Aug 18, 2011

Forgive Me For I Have Sinned

Well not really!

But I did do the most unimaginable and unthinkable thing one might do while considering someone for a relation. I met my ex - Nathan, and actually had fun. Also I told Josh before the meet up about it since I didn't want it to mistakenly slip later in some conversation and then be hanged by the thumbs.

Nathan arrived in Pakistan sometime in the beginning of July to spend a two weeks of his vacations before going back. Before I proceed to tell what happened on the meet up, let me tell you all that Nathan and I have remained in touch since December or January I believe. I had my differences with him previously but since we have started talking, I have begun to see Nathan in a new light. This revelation leads me to solidify my beliefs even more that Nathan and I could not have gone for much longer. But that's okay. I have made peace with the fact and I have actually gained a really good friend with whom I can share anything and vice versa.

In the early stages of Josh and I getting to know each other, I told him about Nathan and how everything went down with him. Josh did not like him. Moreover he did not understand the point of being in a long distance relationship, which he made perfectly clear once again when we talked about my first kiss with Nathan.

Before Nathan arrived he asked me if he can be in touch with me in Pakistan and go out sometime if I am comfortable with it. Why would I not be?! He also asked if Josh would be okay with it. I told him that he should be okay with it. Committed or not committed, I am allowed to have friends and he( Josh) should trust me enough to let me go meet some dude and not wind up getting banged in some dark alley. The same night when I was talking with Josh, I told him without any tact at all that I would be meeting Nathan when he comes to Pakistan. I would admit that was boorish on my part. It may have made him think that I do not care for his feelings. But I did. Earlier somebody had approached Josh for a meet up but Josh had declined. I told him at that point that I trust him and will not stop him from meeting anyone if he wants to. We are allowed to have friends!

Call me an effed up guy, but I seriously can not stand anybody bad mouthing Nathan. Ryan and I have fought considerable number of times over his rants about Nathan. I even had to shut Amanda up once. I do not like people bad mouthing Nathan period. It is not that I harbor feelings for him. It is that he is a really nice guy and the fact that we broke up had absolutely nothing to do with him. I was the one going all hormonal on his ass! Josh is probably the one person who's rants I took quietly but that too up to a certain point.

When I told Josh about the meet up, he asked me that how could I be friends with someone who I loved a few months ago?

It all depends on what grounds the break up happened and if the people involved have truly gotten over it. When in a true and real relationship, the people open themselves up completely and find someone who knows them better than most. Nathan became that person but  we could not make it work as a couple. However we are definitely rocking it out as friends. Josh has been committed once before and from what he told me, his ex was a real douche. Infact he was the douche of all douches!

"I don't care if I get it on with Josh or not, but I am glad that at least he is not involved with him!", I thought when Josh confessed of a few hurtful memories.

Despite Josh's apprehension I went ahead and met Nathan on one of the larger breaks that I got between my exams. Nathan had requested that we go to a particular place I took to him last year on our third date. But I had exams and he didn't have much time so we could not go ahead with that plan. We went to another near by restaurant that we went to at least two or three times last year. The meeting was fun. We ordered food and talked. I didn't think it would be uncomfortable but there was a little doubt in my mind. However as I sat there and talked, I realized that I had nothing to worry or fear about. This meet was turning out to be fantastic!

We talked about pretty much everything and even indulged in a little window shopping for guys. We were both sort of single, so we both were sort of browsing. We discussed gym routines and even boobies. LOL! I guess that's what happens when you are completely comfortable talking about anything with somebody. The most ridiculous topics get slammed on the table and even then you somehow manage to have fun with it. Before we met, Nathan and I would usually text each other a few times of a day. Josh was not aware of this entirely. It's not that I was hiding it from him, it skipped my mind. It really did!

Nathan and I could not meet again. He was busy in family stuff and I had exams. I did tell Josh about it the same day that it happened. He was very stoic through out the conversation replying only in single words like 'Okay', 'Yeah' and 'Cool'. But I know Josh, and I knew things were anything but cool.

Josh never raises his voice. It isn't like him to yell at the top of his lungs to let somebody know that he's mad. He does the opposite and starts shutting them out. But then isn't that what most guys do?!

I could have simply gone out and Josh would have never known about it. However that would have also been wrong and dishonest. If I expect Josh to come to me with anything, I need to be ready and willing to go to him with anything. Honesty is not the best policy. It's the only policy! :D

Looking back I do know that this is one of the things that lead to us breaking up. But I am glad that I played my cards right. If it didn't work out despite this, there is and was nothing I could have done about it. Love is a loosing game after all - however you won't find my weeping or sulking on a sidewalk.


Andrea Almanza said...

Trust and honesty are the most important. I think u can be friends with ex's. After a short cooling off period :) You were obviously attracted to something beyond physical to have a relationship with them. Just because you dont work as a couple doesnt mean a friendship cant work. You did right Phunkie :* and you were honest.

Whimsical Hatter said...

Not with the Halo, you cannot :-)

It was nice that you guys met again.It's always nice and warm to see someone you have known earlier in a completely different perspective..almost refreshing, I suppose.

P.S: I missed 'Let me do it my way' Post...argh. Ryan seems a such wonderful friend.. touchwood.... sweet :-)

Sebastian G. Oliver said...

That's what I admire about you, you stay grounded and you know what you want and most of all know what's in your own heart.

Phunk Factor said...

@ Andrea Almanza


I went through that period of mourning, grieving and cooling..and after going through all that trouble, I should be allowed to gain an awesome friend, right?

Thanks fr the confirmation!

@ Whimsical Hatter

Hahahaha...take off those halo glasses, boy and see my devil horn, and pitch fork! :p


N yes...Ryan is uh-mazing! :D

@ Sebastian G. Oliver

Awww...that's such an awesome description from you.


Tanan said...

Oh honey thats almost too sweet but I believe what Samantha says:There's always a contest with an ex. It's called "who will die miserable."
But its almost good to see someone getting along with their ex.How do you guys do that is beyond my understanding.

simple girl..... said...

its great that you are friend with your ex and above all very honest.. if things didn't it might be for the best of both your interest ..

M@rvin said...

BFs and potential BFs need to realize we need other friends too - and yes, sometimes that's an ex! :) No sin here.

Phunk Factor said...

@ Tanan

Hahaha..we're beyond comprehension. Our awesomeness WTF!

@ Simple Girl

Yup yup - i'm happy! :)

@ M@rvin

U have been in a similar situation, no?

Ur pretty good friends with Mike?

Hadi Hussain said...

Phunko janu chill. I love u :)

Haider Ali said...

U did right by being honest! I am proud of you hun! :)
*tight hug*
And Josh sounds a lot like me! :/

Phunk Factor said...

@ Hadi Hussain

Love u too, babe!

@ Haider Ali know what...wen i was telling once Aaron about Josh, he also thought that u were Josh! :p


M@rvin said...

Yes, after our ~7 month cool off period, we have been quite good friends. After you share so much, it's easy to talk to an ex about anything.

Phunk Factor said...

@ M@rvin

Same here...we also took like a 6 months cooling off period before resuming communication fr good!

DeepBlue said...

I think all this is good. We must always be honest with our feelings even if we're running the risk of loosing someone we think is special!

Are you still on vacation?
If so, I wish you the best!

Phunk Factor said...

@ DeepBlue

No, man..i was never on vacations! :'(

Secret Admirer said...

I sorry Phunk for posting this comment. It is crude to do this at this point, but I believe you wont take it the wrong way.

Based on the details you gave and the experience of a friend who shared that he dated a guy, who dumped him for his Ex...

Expecting the guy to have the kind of trust that you earned within such a short span and maturity to be okay with you meeting your ex, is a wrong move, knowing he doesn't like him ...

You telling him about it could also mean you have taken him for granted also it could have reminded him of his ex, while he cannot be in such terms with his ex..

One might not approve his partner getting emotional support from his ex while he relies on you entirely for it..insecurity exists in all relationships..
All it takes is time to understand you.

Phunk Factor said...

@ Secret Admirer

Probably, but I told him very clearly about Nathan and me, all the reasons we broke up and all the reasons why i would never get back with him again.

Also if this is an actual reason, i can settle it IF he ever would have talked to me!

And no, I didn't get offended.

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