Jul 27, 2011

Of Crushes and Crashes

I have been waiting so impatiently to come back to the blogging scene that I really can not describe my excitement in words. My summer was largely uneventful due to my exams which ended today, and while I am absolutely relieved I have already started fretting about the result.

I really can not explain this feeling of dread that washes over my entire body from the exterior to the deepest cervices when I start thinking of the result. I would admit that my exams could have gone better but looking back at how much I studied I feel that they went adequate. However that feeling of internal satisfaction that glowed inside me after certain exams last year is missing. All I can do now is pray for everything to turn out for the best.

As summer draws to a close in the Northern Hemisphere of the planet we call Earth, my Summer romance with you is just starting and I intend to Phunk you to the maximum. Starting things off with the most imporant topic - Josh!

Josh and I have been doing well. I met him once during my exams when I had a particularly large gap between my papers. It was a quick meeting at a local Pizza parlor, and we seemed to be enjoying. While nobody has bought up the issue of commitment yet, I feel that the issue is somewhat already at the table. However I do not feel a spark, and that thought scares me alot. I do not want to proceed until I am absolutely sure about how I feel, but I can not vouch for Josh's feelings.

Our meeting at Pizza Parlor was entirely casual. It was so casual that I wore shorts and T-shirt to it, which is something I have never done with any of the past dates. Mistakenly during the date I brushed his toes, we both were wearing flip flops. The single brush led to alot under the table brushing. I hope nobody saw our toe dance. LOL!

Intimacy is another thing that has been creeping into our conversations. I do want to kiss him, I'm curious to feel his stubble rub against my chin. I feel at times that perhaps a kiss would trigger the spark I am searching for. However a kiss can also lead to complications in the sense that he takes it much more deeper than intended. He's a nice guy, and I really don't want to hurt him. With him being younger, I perceive it to be synonymous with fragility. I really don't know how this will play out so I'm taking it one step at a time as carefully as I can.

On naughtier aspect I spied with my little eye a real hottie. I really couldn't take my eyes off him. I remember seeing a guy similar to him in my previous exams, he's from a sister institute. But it's been about six months since I last sat for exams so I am not entirely sure.

Everytime I would look at him, my heart would start racing. Generally guys are described as 'Handsome', but he's 'Pretty'. He's really really pretty. He rates pretty wild on both Ryan and my Gaydar. While I am not entirely sure about the crap piece of machinery in my mind, but Ryan's Gaydar is spot-on.

So I sit down in my exam hall, and turns out that he is sitting right in front of me. I catch a whiff of some really expensive D&G crap coming from him, and that's all my body needed to start floating in air. I actually leaned forward once I was done with my papers to catch a few extra sniffs. Needless to say I was looking forward to my next paper just so I could smell and see him again. The second paper didn't go well for him so once it was done he turned around to discuss and we became friends. On the third and last paper, we exchanged numbers.

When the schedule for further exams came out, his schedule coincided with mine on the minutest details. I know it is so ridiculous of me to talk about Josh and then this guy in the same sense, but little things like this make me think that I'm not up for a commitment. We practiced clinical examinations on each other one the day of the paper, and at the end of the paper he asked me if I would like to go out sometime with his friends.

"I guess I could make an effort. Let me know if anything comes up!", I told him. The whole idea of going out with him even if it's with his group of friends is pretty exciting to me. Once again I am on Square One, do I really deserve to be with Josh?


lilmonstah said...

Question, why are you even so sure that he plays for your team? :P

Andrea Almanza said...

You deserve the best Phunkie but I agree if the spark is still missing no harm in an outing especially in a large group. Search for the spark wherever you tread.

Phunk Factor said...

@ lilmonstah

It's a special ability the more experienced gay guys possess! :p

And the point isn't what team he plays on, the point is that i am attracted enough towards him that I would go out with him!

Stick to the script, kid! :p

@ Andrea Almanza

Well as much fun as it would be to go around kissing all the guys I am attracted to, i don't want to built a reputation ya know! ;)

simple girl..... said...

aww.. going out with him is okay.. you know just give yourself time to figure things out.. for the moment enjoy.. :)

M@rvin said...

So like any card carrying gay man, you're looking for the next cute thing around the corner too? :) I'd say try making a small commitment first and see where it goes - meeting his friends should be cool, right?

And best of luck for your exam results!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Simple Girl

Thanks! :)

@ M@rvin

Hey, that's not a very nice thing to say! :p

Thanks fr the wishes!

M@rvin said...

Aww, it's just that we all do it (to varying extents), it's OK. It's a guy thing.

thegayte-keeper said...

No spark? Don't move forward!

Phunk Factor said...

@ M@rvin

It's a guy thing...lol, i think it's more of a gay guy thing! :p

@ thegayte-keeper

Yeah, man. Now I'm even more inclined to not make a move!

Whimsical Hatter said...

Just today, I was wondering what happened to His Highness and bang! you're back. Telepathy or what!? Yes, I talk crap.Anyways. You are just going out with him and his clique so don't you worry! you're no slut,if that's what is on your mind. I mean, it's just an outing! But maybe, just maybe... things might be take a turn ...for the better or worse... so, just let it flow! Now, that I have ruined your thoughts and wrangled your brains :-)(I'm that nice!).Good writing and loved the 'toe dance' bit and don' t you worry abt the 'reputation' kid. we will love, not matter what you turn out to be.

Phunk Factor said...

@ Whimsical Hatter

His Highness?!

U need to seriously stop feeding my horse?! Any higher and I would hit the sky, man! :p

I'll respond to ur email soon hopefully!

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