Jun 13, 2011

Nothing But Cute and Happy

When browsing Online I can talk with the best of them and probably do it better than most. But my balloon pops when it comes to showing my picture. I'm not the sexiest or the hottest guy you'll ever meet. As I have said in the blog before, the word 'cute' is generally used to describe me. And I don't mind it much.

What can I do?

I was born this way, baby!

One of my earliest memories is from 1st Grade when my Urdu language teacher pinched my cheek and told me how cute I am. Later it was my 3rd and 4th Grade teacher. I think my 5th Grade teacher said something as well, but I don't quite remember it. I was her prize pupil, which I remember clearly. Then I changed schools and my new school gave me the same treatment. For some reason, people loved pulling my cheek. Josh commented on it once as well that I have very 'pullable' cheeks and he's not the only one to say so. There have been others as well. So I had this fact down long before I even stepped into the Online world of cruising.

But now that I came here, the rules of the game drastically changed my perception. I contacted guys and some of them responded back. Sometimes I would get a message out of the blue from some guy who seemed genuinely interested. Everything went smooth and fine up till the time came to show my pictures. Except for the few that I have went out with, the rest either always stopped talking to me or changed in how the would respond to my messages. They didn't need to say it, I knew it already.

It used to bother me so much that I can't put it to words. I could have objected to their dark skin tone, acne, unkempt hair, slight belly or the double chin under development. But I didn't. As much as sometimes I feel repulsed by how someone looks, I do give them a chance to prove themselves as something more. Personality is far more important. What's the use of having a model material boyfriend if he doesn't give you respect?!

I have never asked for model looks but somehow have been blessed with such given my previous boyfriends, Bruce and Nathan. I realized that my problem really has no solution since nearly every guy out there has a six-pack check box on their check list. I resigned to being friends with what I could get and that worked for me. But just for a while!

"Why don't you put up your face picture?", Ryan suggested one day when I told him about my dilemma. "Sometimes guys you never thought would be interested in you, actually do stop for a second look at your profile and things can go somewhere."

"I know, but I can't take that risk. At least not while I am in Pakistan!", I told Ryan. I didn't tell Ryan that my rejection could possibly be due to the junk in my trunk - not that kind!

Then one day while randomly browsing, I was hit with a brilliant but a tad bit desperate idea. I wanted to check that if there was actually something wrong with me so I made a completely new profile. Every single detail on the profile was the same as my original profile. I didn't even change a single word in my 'About Me' section. The only difference between these two profiles was that the new profile held several of my face pictures - the same that I used on my other profiles except that they were hidden and could be only viewed if I allowed  the other person to see them. The other difference was the location. This profile didn't state my true location Pakistan. I put down United Kingdom.

Later when I logged on at night, I was actually surprised to see quite a few responses. They were the usual but still a response is a response. These people were fine with how I looked, and some even took the time to read my profile and respond keenly. I added them on messengers and chatted with some of them. These guys liked me. They really did like me!

I changed my profile location to 'Egypt' and got similar result. I didn't exactly get Harem quality but I am not looking for that either. These guys were decent, educated, looking for commitment and good looking enough to turn me on. Why should I care if none of them have the potential to grace Men's Health covers?!

All this was good, but why do I keep striking out in my homeland?!

Could it be because I look Indian and that's something of a rarity in United Kingdom and Egypt?

Certainly not!

So as a last try, I changed my location to 'Bangladesh' and from the meager population that resided there, I got a few responses. One guy really stood above the rest and I really could not believe that he was interested in me. He kept asking for my phone number which I obviously couldn't give him, but I later got an opportunity to talk to him on phone which I will post about later sometime.

But all this proved to me that I look okay if not good. I don't need to worry about how I look, the problem doesn't lie in me. God blessed me with a fully functioning body and I should be happy about it. I should not let my opinion on myself be changed by some guys. It lies in the minds of these guys, and if this is their criteria of judgment then it's a good thing that they kicked me to the curb.

I am not hesitant in sharing my picture anymore. If anybody likes me they have excellent taste and those who don't approve of me, they are welcome to walk around with a stick up their asses. 


M@rvin said...

And you haven't shown me yet - kya zulm hai yeh sab?! :-P

Agree completely with you - we should be thankful for what we have. Easier said than done, of course, but I know I'll make peace (or rather love) with my love handles one day. And you have an amazing personality, which goes a long way to adding to looks and attraction anyway.

Sore Thumb said...


Something similar happened to me when I was a newbie and had started exploring the streets of GayVille.

Having spent the first 22 years of my Life considering myself as mediocre when it came to my looks, the response that I got, just by uploading my picture, was overwhelming. I was seen as "hot", "sexy" and whatnot. I gave myself the benefit of doubt.

Though it assuring to be desired,I found it totally unnerving how my perception towards my looks, even if slightly, changed because of others views and approval. Even if you din't change your opinion about yourself based on these guys' assessment, it did give you the idea that you look "okay"

Slightly disturbing but a part and parcel of being Human I guess...

Phunk Factor said...

@ M@rvin

Slight belly looks good on men imo....pata chalta hai khaatay peetay gharanay say hai! :p

Hehehe! ;)

@ Sore Thumb


We often feel inferior because what somebody or the other said about us...and quite often it effects us negatively!

But being fine with how one looks is essential...after all u can't change ur genes!

Whimsical Hatter said...

Ahem. *Super-Like*.Being cute is nice- No,awesome! And being *happy*- people would die to be that. Seriously,child. Cute and Happy. For that, you get a pinch and kiss and a hug...awwhhh!!
Yes, I completely second your thought that 'when one is blessed with functioning body, one ought to be grateful'. But sadly,most of us(including me) forget that at times and we need reminders :-(
1] So do we the people of Phunkdom, get the *royal view* of the 'Emperor'?
2] Absentia of Harem quality in *Egypt*?!Hmm... *scratches head*But then, where did the furry hunks disappear ?! :-(
3] I'm running out of words- But that husky dude featured is 'Cute and Happy' and I want him FOREVER.(See people do like 'cute and happy'!)

Andrea Almanza said...

:) Yep, lol, I believe I remember a conversation like this recently. Great post Phunkie!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Whimsical Hatter

Even I do, man....we all do. I need to think the Lord more often!

Hmmm...yes yes, perhaps soon! I didn't see any of the guys shirtless....excpt fr two and they both were smooth!

The Bangladeshi was hairy..and kinda fair as well! :)

@ Andrea Almanza

Thanks, girl! :)

Sam August said...

i dont know how one cant love cuteness :P specially phunk's cuteness ;)

Phunk Factor said...

@ Sam August

U flirt!!!

Raj said...

I've always maintained that you are a combination of good-looks and uber-cuteness.Only if we were in the same country *sigh* ;)
I remember the four points you gave me why you do not consider yourself hot.a couple of em - legit but there is beauty in imperfection.

DeepBlue said...

Remember this old commercial from Canon with major hotie Andre Agassi: "Image is everything"!? (OK. you may be too young... which mean I'm a grumpy old man. lol!)
Image is really an obsession all over the world. And it's mostly related to sexual desires.
When it comes to friendship, looks doesn't matter a bit!
I can be "sexually attracted" to a guy but if he doesn't share the same feelings, that doesn't mean I'm going to turn away, especially if I find that I have other things in common with the guy. I'm may lose a sex buddy, but I'm getting a new friend, and friends are our real wealth in life!
Great post my sweet Phunk! ;)

simple girl..... said...

well I still have issues about myself..but its great that you have learned to accept yourself and be happy about it..

Phunk Factor said...

@ Raj

Hahahaha....yea, that darn clause gets in our way everytime! :p

N likewise, u don't believe me wen I tell u tht ur hot!!

@ DeepBlue

Canon? The company which makes printers?!

Image is no doubt an obsession....and in the gay community this obsession is soooooo rampant tht u can't really believe the extent to which it effects our decisions!

Thanks fr the compliment!

@ Simple Girl

Awwww...don't worry, sweetie!

Ur probably still a teenager and we all had issues as teenagers with how we looked....u'll get over 'em soon! :)

simple girl..... said...

@phunk.. : lol.. no man .. I am not a teenager ... I am in my early twenties.. what made you think I am a teenager??

Phunk Factor said...

@ Simple Girl

Really?! LOL!

Okay...i hav a weird habit of supposing everyone is younger than me...n u did seem like a teenager to me! :p

tamayn said...

I have to ask; when you talk with other people, do they have face pictures up? Personally, I found it hard to trust someone who didn't put up a face picture.

I understand your situation but I think the major problem is that there are two people who don't put up face pictures. There are those who either aren't serious in their search, or those who aren't looking for anything serious.

Phunk Factor said...

@ Tamayn

Some have face pictures up...and some don't! Some hav face pictures up...bu it's not theirs! :p

I don't think ppl who have not put up their pics are not serious in their search! Quite obviously, somebody who has their pic up gets more responses...but even in this case, it works!

Indie-underground-Gay said...

"Pullable cheeks".....sounds so dirty, maybe just because Josh said it *wink*
UK + Egypt = Good response
Bangladesh, Pakistan = Lame ass response
Conclusion = South Asian guys are Aholes

I guess everyone goes through that "Fuck I am not good looking phase", good that you learned something from it. Thats what counts. And seriously giving guys with belly and doublechin a chance? NOT cool :P

Phunk Factor said...

@ Indie-Underground-Gay

Hey. They most certainly do NOT suck!, well some of them don't! ;)

And no, I'm building myself up to recognize and appreciate beauty, even if it comes in packages that are slightly less Vogueish! :)

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