Apr 10, 2011

New Directions

Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional!

Now I have no idea whose brilliant mind came up with this most amazing piece of truth, and I believe most of you would agree with me on it. Those of you who happen to disagree, you still have some growing up to do! :p

Maturity is no doubt a must have. A necessity for everyone who wants to do something, go somewhere, become someone. It gives a person's life direction, his actions a motive, his thoughts reason, his mind stability, his body the strength and lastly his soul patience. In short, maturity gives life meaning!

I feel a large part of my setbacks in life are due to me not acting my age. I was perfectly aware of what I should have done but I didn't which is unbelievably stupid on my part. Lately I have been asking myself alot of 'If' questions, and the more I ask myself these questions I realize that I had the right answers to them all along but I didn't do what I was supposed to do. As a result of my stupidity, I parted ways with someone truly spectacular and lost a truly fantastic opportunity. If I had been a little wiser with my actions, I feel I could have been in a much happier place right now. I may have grown up in the context of accepting my sexuality but elsewhere I feel there is alot of growing for me to do in several other departments of my personality.


A few days back I was discussing with Ryan about these thoughts. His reply was completely generic and made me want to push him off the bench. But I realized that if I asked the same thing from ten different people, nine of them would tell me the exact same thing. I remember walking down the stairs of one of my college corridors and there's this poster that says 'Every time you fall, pick something up!'.

Thinking upon it, being mature does mean having to learn from your mistakes and making sure that they do not happen in the future. I am completely sure as to what I have to work on and I have already intended to bring this change in my life with a conscious effort. I do realize that this would be a drastic break through from how I usually process, which is quite a surprise to me since people refer to me as being mature. I feel myself as the complete opposite. Perhaps I'm being hyper critical about myself?!

There have been quite a few developments in my life lately, most notably being this guy with whom there is a chance of something happening. I'm not entirely sure about it yet myself but he's someone I am genuinely interested in. As usual there isn't just one voice to this new uprising. I am split between several different opinions. I'm weighing my options right now as to how to proceed into these restless water which flung me out so violently last September. More importantly, should I even go ahead with it?!

The best option right now seems to be to listen to my inner voice which is telling me to grow up. Be someone who's capable of handling the low points of a relationship, after all love isn't all fluffy pillows and heart shaped candies. Perhaps it's just an infatuation that I am feeling, and it would go away if I don't pay attention to it however impossible that seems to be right now.

Now if you will please excuse me, Phunk has some growing up to do!

19 comments:

Toxic Love said...

I'm highly skeptical about love but it's nice to read about it's genuine feelings once in a while! I have been following your blog ever since a friend showed it to me and you have inspired me to start me own!

M@rvin said...

Yes, part of growing up is not being afraid to fall in love. Now go tell all the other gay guys that, sigh.

I'm happy for you - this sounds good. We should chat sometime - I'm curious about your man. :)

Andrea Almanza said...

Everyone is hyper critical about themselves. Its how we process. Maturity takes time and experiances. Just because you try a relationship doesnt mean it will workout in the end. So if you have a "something" with this person at least you can attempt it.

Phunk Factor said...

@ Toxic Love

Thanks, man! It means alot to me! About ur skepticism, I hope I can change it! ;)

@ M@rvin

Hehehe..it's a 'boy', if u know what I mean! :p

@ Andrea Almanza

So ur telling me to take a shot at it?!

Hmmm...i just may! :)

Cogent Ascending said...

One of the first and most valuable lessons I learned about gay men is that age and maturity are mutually exclusive concepts to most.

Samuel Khan said...

yep man so many "ifs" haunt me too at times lol , but guess every one dOes own those ifs . . . :D
n i badly need a "maturity syrup or potiOn" if there iz any ;)
n relationships , well give him a try man . . .
so far i feel the only thing that works bout the plans iz the fact that plans just done seem to work one way or the other , its us that work them out u see
:)

Aaron Khan said...

Its gud 2 c a personwho is trying 2 make an effort 2 change wat they consider they lack. mostly ppl just talk bout it n dont do nythin. gud 4 u. as for d guy, well i knw u. u arent among those who step back after being burnt 1c or twice. u r a risk taker. so take d leap wid dis guy (if u r sure of ur feelings).

Phunk Factor said...

@ Cogent Ascending

Mutually exclusive?! Just gay men? I think it applies to everybody else just as much I suppose!

@ Samuel Khan

Dude..ur mature enough MashAllah! At least more than me...and yes, we hav to work upon our plans...bt sometimes we make mistakes!

@ Aaron Khan

That's what I'm afraid most about!

I don't just need to think about it or do a post on it..i need to actually implement in my life for good!

That's the hardest part!

Risk taker?! Me?! LOL! Not nemore!

editor said...

whatever decision you take.. wish you luck

simple girl..... said...

hey nice read .. good luck with growing up .. :)

Nick said...

something's growin' on me too ;)

Whimsical Hatter said...

Personally, I hate growing-up. I still, want to slurp on my lollipops,skip-jump instead of walk etc.. But, one needs to grow -up *certainly* in certain departments of one's personality to get 'going', for the perennial childhood is a great joy but a treacherous illusion! To get out and grow -up, is i something we all need to do, some do it in all departments of their personality,while some choose wisely and
others.So, do 'grow-up', but try not to lose the 'old' immature one, for that one is still a precious,adorable thing!:-)

Sam August said...

Some say age is just a number. n then the thought of growing up just scares mes :P

Hadi Hussain said...

great

Phunk Factor said...

@ Editor, Simple Girl & Hadi Hussain

Thanks guys!

@ Nick

Hopefully not like warts! :p

@ Whimsical Hatter

Dude...don't u kno me by now?! Nothing can stop the child inside me from having a crazy fit of giggles every now n then! :p

@ Sam August

Pussy! :p

LOL!

THUNDERCAT832 said...

I think that no matter how old we get, I think we all won't be able to fully understand love and it's potential...or at least at it's fullest. But as we get older we'll catch the jist of it and that's all that matters ;)

Phunk Factor said...

@ Thundercat832

Well..obviously..i mean nobody has never really understood love or could define it...but we've all been there and done that...at some point! ;)

DeepBlue said...

I have been exploring your blog and enjoy it a lot.
What amazes me always is that, although we all come from different part of the world, have different cultural background, religion, etc... we seem to go through somewhat the same experiences in life. I could have writen this post.
Fear is a universal pest. Let's give faith a chance!
But I admit it's easier to say than do.
Instead of trying to "make something work" I just see it now as an experience, no matter the outcome. Let's just take it one day at a time.
Thanks!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Deep Blue

Ain't we all humans after all?! ;)

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