Apr 20, 2011

Call Me Old Fashioned

While talking on phone last Sunday, Josh was inquiring about Nathan. Talking about ex with potential boyfriends has always been something I still am not comfortable with and that's why I have never told any guy I went out with about Nathan or Bruce, unless I was interested in him and felt that he should know. The other case would be that we're pretty solid friends. I don't hide anything but people tend to get the wrong impression sometimes that I may still be harboring some feelings from the last guy. I explained clearly that it's over and it's been quite sometime since it got over.

"So when did the two of you first make out?", he asked.

"On our four month anniversary!", I told him.

"What?! You guys waited four months for the first kiss?!", he was in complete shock.

"Well, before that he was not in Pakistan so I really don't think we had any other option!", I told him. I was feeling so bloody awkward that I can't put it to words.

"So if he was in Pakistan, then when would it have happened?", he asked.

I already knew my version of the answer in my head, but I felt that I didn't need to tell everything yet. "It isn't completely upon me to decide when it would have happened. It would have been sooner definitely, but planned or spontaneous I don't know!"

I felt my answer was perfect. Quite obviously only complete fools would force themselves upon their partners. I would have taken up Nathan's opinion on the matter. Besides with Nathan there was a completely difference scenario as compared to what could possibly happen with Josh. Nathan was from a different country, so meeting was not an option. With Josh living in the same city as me, meeting is very easy if he ever agrees to it. There are so many restaurants and even a mall near to his place that it's unbelievable. Plus there is an amusement park which completely sucks but the only thing we plan to ride is each other. LOL!

For me, it depends upon my chemistry with the guy. I have to be at ease. I can't be a bundle of nerves when I'm making out. More importantly I need to know that the other guy is genuinely interested. I don't want to be taken along for a ride where things happen only to find out that they meant completely different than what I had experienced. Nobody touches my junk but my one and only!

It's not some silly trick to put the other guy under pressure, but it is to ensure my own personal emotional safety. Also with two of us being in the same city, I don't want to crash into a sexual frenzy with Josh where both of us are feeling frisky every time we meet. I've seen, heard and read this happen so many times to so many couples - both straight and gay. When everything starts it's all sparks and steamy kisses, it's perfectly natural to be passionate. The fire burns high and the fire burns deep. But a couple of months down the lane, things start to feel less special and more predictable. Eventually one or the other person gets bored and decides to break up. It's all good if that's what they both wanted - a mutual physical love for a time being. But it's not what I want. I want something that exists outside the premises of the bed and to go on. But in such cases, guys like me are left high and dry. Makes perfect sense to take every precaution possible!

I asked Josh when did he first kiss his first boyfriend. "The day we decided to be together!", he replied in a very casual tone.

His answer definitely raised my eye brows, but I decided to keep an open mind. It does sound perfectly okay. They both accepted mutual feelings of affection towards each other so why not seal the deal with a kiss. It could have happened in a moment of passion.

I think I haven't made it clear to Josh that he should not expect physical intimacy anytime soon. I'm fine with holding hands and a hug if I can get one, but anything else will have to wait. And absolutely nothing will happen on the first date if that ever comes into being. It's not that I need the other person to say 'I Love You', but his simple actions can make it click for me. Who doesn't like making out?! But making out with someone special is most definitely better than something only half passionate.


A very dear friend of mine and a reader of my blog is lately facing some turmoil where he's torn halfway between hope and despair. I can't disclose details or his identity, but to anybody reading this I want to request that you wish him the best. May God have scripted his life to his best interests! May he always be not only satisfied but happy with what he is blessed with!

- Amen 


DeepBlue said...

Great writing Phunk. I enjoy your ability to analyse a situation.
Strangely enough, the date of your post indicates "April 20". Here, in Canada we're still "April 19". So... im reading your post BEFORE you've posted it!!! ;)

Andrea Almanza said...

Well first, good luck to your friend. Whatever is meant to be will be in the end. Uncertainty is very troubling to the emotional state of a person. If this doesnt workout it only means there is something better out there along with some lessons learned along the way :D
As for the blog A+, stick to ur guns sweetheart dont compromise yourself to win someone. Also I think your way is better for deeper commitment. It doesnt mean waiting will insure a prosperious future but like Bob Marley says, everyone is going to hurt you, make sure they are worth the pain.

Phunk Factor said...

@ Deep Blue

Hehehe...omg, ur a geek!

I gotta be careful of you, geeks turn me on like nothing else!

Ask M@rvin...he's tantalized me enough...and vice versa! :p

@ Andrea Almanza

Thanks fr the wishes!

And thanks alot more for the confirmation! :)

Plus..tht Bob Marley line is fantastic...hugs to u for cmng up with ur unique awesomeness!!

M@rvin said...

Phunks, is it my geekiness or my sluttiness that tantalizes you? :P

Agree, sex with someone you actually like is sooo much better. But not everyone sees it that way. Some really get off on the anonymous wham bam thing.

Samuel Khan said...

nice pOst bro , see i might not be available for online chats , but m always ferociously lappin (remember haadz :D) up ya blog updates , now aint i :P
well , it might be an over-generalization but it kinda applies universally to many gayz out there that they make their selves (love , body , xXx , anything) very easily n readily n rather randomly available for anyone they like or have a random crush on !
personally i dont approve of this idea but then who the hell m i , n sadly no one needs ma approval yaar :D
but its good that u aint that easily available , n trust me it aint bout being old fashiOned , its actually an ode to ya manhood , control , maturity , patience . . . (add some more adjectives , i gotta rush nOw)
n as for ya friend , may Allah bless him with His choiciest blessingz n may he attain harmony with his emotional , physical n spritual self Amen

Aaron Khan said...

I LOVED d "ride each other" part. HILLARIOUS!! Dont think 2 much bout it, when d time is rite (n u both will knw when dat is), u will lock lips :)

Phunk Factor said...

@ M@rvin

The right mixture of about! ;)

It's not about sex with that special someone that I'm talking about..but when both know that it's special, u kno?!

@ Samuel Khan

I know...that was just in the title! I'm Phunk, man...i'm funky...and don't u forget it?! ;)

Thanks fr the prayers! :)

@ Aaron Khan

Hehehe...it came at the moment of writing! I'm a genius! :D

Yea...but let's hope he too knows and I don't have to tell him!

Hadi Hussain said...

Prayers for your friend. And please no MALLl this time, main bore ho gaya haun teri malls wali storian parh parh kar. Ghazab khuda ka sara Khi malls main he dating karta hai :P And about Josh, well all the very best for it jani *hugs*

Phunk Factor said...

@ Hadi Hussain;

I'm just saying there is a possibility of so many places to meet up....but yeah, i won't bother with the mall because i've been there once and there is absolutely nothing worthy to do there!

They used to hav KFC..bt even that shut down a few months back! :p

Aur beta...zyadda bol maat...ur Karachi say jahez ki shopping will come from these very malls! :P


Bro keep it all on lock if you know what I mean. Not only your body but your inner most thoughts... Sometimes you gotta see if that person is willing to work for the "goods" if ya know what I mean!

Oh, and be super careful what you tell a potential bf about old loves...it might reveal stuff that might end up an insecurity on their part. Believe me, I should know ;)

Phunk Factor said...

@ Thundercat

I'm all locked up, sister! :D

I don't mind dealing with the insecurities! I got over whatevr Nathan had....and if Josh has some..you can bet on it that I'll take care of them just as well! :)

Piscean said...

hmm ..interesting I understand and relate a lot with what you are saying and where it is all coming from
I agree with the fellow commentor who wrote its all about control , maturity , patience among other things
I hope that these rushing guys understand that its not just about the act but there have to be a sense of surety and comfort which needs some space and time to develop

Phunk Factor said...

@ Piscean

It varies in my opinion...some are completely aware of it...n some are not so much aware of it!

The thing is to know wen the time is right and when it's not!

Once ppl have that notion in their head, they have a much better shot at success!

Average Queer Slut said...

i think it's fine to wait..it most definitely is the mature thing to do..i have expericed the sexual rush you are talking about...i think that's the reason my guy was having trouble being with me...so it's good if you want to take it slow but too slow could end up hurting just as much

Phunk Factor said...


I know...another guy who read my post said the exact same thing..i do think that's the main reason most relationship fail..but another thing is to learn from these mistakes and not make them again!

If we start meeting and I get my ease on...it may happen by the end of the first month of us being together!

Whimsical Hatter said...

fine then. so, the first time we meet, it's going to be nothing then. seriously, not even a tiniest spark and 'something-sorts'?!sigh. I'm shattered :-P.
Seriously, being Old-fashioned, is simple 'awesome', I tell you. Because, I'm one too.:-)(sad, that I need to use your space to voice my 'awesomeness'.not desperate, just pathetic!!) There's nothing wrong abt being this way.The 'nay' sayers have 'boiled-goo' for brains.so, no worries,Child.
P.S: My prayers and wishes for well-being, for your dear Friend.Tell him, this to shall pass and all is well and for good.:-)

Phunk Factor said...

@ Whimsical Hatter:

Well...ur an exception! I'd spill my coffee on ur lap...then hav u strip them...and after that what will happen...i can't really put that up for public to read, u kno!

Age sensitive material, u kno?! :p

Bt yea...sticking to my guns is the one thing i kno i can do well...and whatevr may the end result be..ill be satisfied with 'em if not immediately then at some point later in life!

N thanks fr the wishes! :)

Derric said...

To me Josh seems to be guy with more of a practical approach. is he?

Hey by the way was that Prayer for me? If it was you have nailed it perfectly.

Phunk Factor said...

@ Derric

Other than how he handled his last relationship, I think that he's a very practical person!!

No, it was fr somebody else! U hardly respond to my IMs on Yahoo! or on my comments on ur blog...but u can have the share of blessings too!

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