Apr 2, 2011

Boys, Men and Everything in Between

Is age really just a number when it comes to love?

This question has been bothering me since the past few days. It's pretty evident that age is important factor. Gay or straight - one of the first question everybody tries to wriggle out of their potential partner is their age. Also it comes to no surprise that pretty often people lie about it and that it's a very common reason people tend to reject others. This all clearly lays emphasis on the fact that age truly does matter.

Unlike straight relations where it's generally looked down upon when the woman is older than the man, we have no such issue. We are frowned upon in any case - insignificant of the age of the two guys involved. However in every case, people do have a certain age limit which they do not want to cross. Rarely does there come an exception which causes them to step outside of their boundaries.

I don't like dating young guys. Period! It makes me feel like a cougar. My age limit starts from 23 which is my age and goes up till 30. I'm willing to stretch up to 35 provided that I'm genuinely interested in the guy. But anything above 35 is a no go for me. My preference would obviously change as I age, since I do prefer older men. The only time I see myself going for somebody younger would be when I'm 30 and the other guy would be like 28 or something. But then there's that whole formula that 30 is equal to death in the gay world.

Fetishes aside, how much does the age of the partner effect the chemistry of a relation. Maybe my views are stereotypical but I speak solely from experience. When dating an older guy, it gives you the chance to be a 'child' in a relationship. While you are obviously responsible but I think a greater part falls on the other person. Or perhaps they feel that they have to take charge - be an example sort of thing. I remember talking to Bruce about something and he said, "I am older than you! I have more experience! I know better!". Could this be some sort of Power Play?

I know you are older and have more experience but I don't spout nonsense. After that I really didn't feel like saying what's on my mind most of the times in fear of being scolded like a child. But where does this come from?.

I have an opinion. You should listen to what I have to say. Can't we discuss this like mature adults?

While I would try to set up an example when dating somebody younger - if that opportunity ever comes. I would not enforce my thinking. A relationship is a two way street after all. When dating a younger man, there is a certain energy level you have to meet. And I'm not talking about sexual energy. But I feel generally they maybe more free spirited. You have to keep them grounded, however not by tying an anchor to their feet. Quite a few times, there is a certain innocence to them I feel the other person needs to accept and not try to change. This innocence will mature like fine wine in time itself. I'm not suggesting to smother them but a mutual acceptance of opinions.

What about when you are dating a man close to your age? Is that the best way to go?  Like a year younger older or a year younger. Perhaps even the same age as you! At any rate, there isn't much difference between the two. They both have been around for the same amount of time and have more or less the same amount of experience. Being at the same stage of life,  they have pretty similar goals in their minds and they mutually support each other as they know exactly what is happening with the other person. When I was with Nathan, I felt I enjoyed my time with him much more than with Bruce.

I have been with an older guy and someone almost my age. Although guys younger rarely fascinate me, however I think it's time I gave a younger meat a serious shot. I'm not entirely sure about anything yet, but there is a chance that I may have someone in mind. Yes, there has been a recent development and there is a very serious chance that this may actually mature into something concrete. He's younger than me and that's the part which has me scared the most. I have a firm idea in mind how to proceed but since when the best plans have been laid out by men?!

I'm putting up a poll that I would like the readers to contribute to. What age would you prefer your partner to be?

I'll be publishing another post along the same lines that was inspired by Ryan.  


H said...

But I'm 20 Phunks =(

Andrea Almanza said...

Oh yeah I have an opinion! Go figure! It can be great, depends on how you complement each other. If he has a sensable heart, and some maturity, a general knowledge of where he wants to go then the rest will fall in place. And younger can bring back some zest for life and child like wonder. I think its more mental levels not the number. Between 18 and 30 is usually the hardest just because you learn and develope your independent personality and things change sometimes and you try different things out. Focus on if there is a connection, if so try it. Maybe you should try a younger man and he should try you. Im sure no matter what you will both learn things on a multitude of levels. Go for it :D

Aaron Khan said...

I think its a bout maturity level. u cn find 20 yrs old guys who r mature n then u hav 27,28 yrs old kids! i generally prefer guys either my age or a few yrs older. but i guess when u click, then u dont c age. n frm wat u wrote, it seems u n ur guy r clickin :)

Phunk Factor said...

@ H

The guy I'm considering is 20 himself...if i knew you were interested in me..i would have totally made a play fr u! ;)

@ Andrea Almanza

Life is after all a constant learning experience...it's heading somewhere and i have a feeling i just may have him..but nothing concrete yet...will keep u posted!

@ Aaron Khan

Hehehe...u guessed my next or the one after tht post...and ur right...age could just be a number...it's the maturity of the person that matters!

Pulsbeat said...

I have to say that I did not experience 30 as the age of "gay-death" or the age at which you start turning 180-degrees to everything.
I started fading at 50 and seem to be almost gone at 55. :-)

Luv your blog!

Rakesh said...

I think how people view age differs culturally, that is eastern cultures vs western cultures. Of course, youth is preferred the world over. But, rules of attraction aside, unlike in the east, where a person is accorded a certain amount of respect or treatment just because of their age, in the west, the playing field is more leveled irrespective of someone's age.

Phunk Factor said...

@ Pulsbeat

I don't know myself about it but some ppl say there is such a thing..i think nobody really cares about ur age as long as ur smoking hot!

Thanks fr the compliment!

@ Rakesh

First of all, congratulations on India winning the World Cup! :)

And secondly...i'm not entirely sure of the last thing! Age i do feel does have a certain effect on the bfmaterial search...but maybe not so in the west...maybe...just maybe!

Samuel Khan said...

Nice Post bro !
As aAron said its bout the maturity n guess physical attributes too !
20,30,40 or 50 watever the age may be , a person shud b well groOmed n maintained ! PersonalLy m always partial to peOple over 30 !
:) they jUst seem to tickle ma naughty-self without much of an effOrt !

Sam August said...

i agree with Aaron, a mature 20 year old is much better than an older immature one. ps, if the guy is hot he can get away with age :P

Phunk Factor said...

@ The Sams (Sounds like a country blues duo) :p

I'm not talking about looks....extremes of both are a huge turn off for me! An extremely twinky guy would make me feel like a pedophile and sumone super old would make me think of something I really can't write here! :p

Mental maturity is the thing that counts the most!

Samuel Khan said...

Lol @ scarcity of Sams in ya liFe hahaha !
Ma view pOint was that people above a particular age do need to put in a bit of n effOrt to look deCent ! we all might or might not admit it but no one wud wonna date an old grandpaa like person even if hez not the married , cheatin on ya wife typesss n no maTTer how much maturity he has at display . . .
:S so age very much iz a barrier in the gay daTing arena but maintainin one'z self with grace n being in touch with the IN thing iz most definitely a hands on suPPort to overcome it . . .
LoOkin gud effortlessly iz an absolUte bleSsing which aint available to all !

Phunk Factor said...

@ Sammy K

I get that...but this isn't entirely about how a person looks...lots of young guys don't look so young and lots of older men don't look so old!

And no matter what age..u gotta keep up the grace and manners! :)

M@rvin said...

Completely agree with Aaron. I was going to say the exact same thing he did. My brother, for instance, is 4 years older than me, but acts like an infant, running to 'Mummy and Daddy' every time something goes wrong.
One thing I would avoid - Mama's boys - annoying, can't do anything for themselves, and will be capable of offering no support ever.
And hey, your poll options are too restrictive. :)

Hadi Hussain said...

Hmmm.....23 is hot lols but i like to have someone of around my age. I am 26 and i think 28 is also hot, dont know why. But the most important thing is mental synchornization, it's important for me. I neither want to be a daddy nor a child 24/7 and other things, i want a fluidity in my relationship, without any specific categories. the only category i like is monogomous relation :)

Phunk Factor said...

@ M@rvin

Oh dayummm..you spoke my heart out, man! And that's the thing...i'm looking for a boyfriend/partner not a son! :p

The poll's fine..ur too picky! :p

@ Hadi Hussain

26 ain't bad either, hot stuff?! ;)

Yes yes...i know..ur the monogamous b*tch! :p

jits said...

Wow ... you and i seem to have same age range for perspective partners :P and coincidently i am also currenlty dating a younger guy :) (best wishes for u btw for that) ... as most people said correclty maturity level is more important than the age actually..

Whimsical Hatter said...

ahem, you are only 23?! fine,I digress.
I concur with what you are saying, I want to be in a relationship with someone, slight older than me( a year or two maybe).Someone my age- is when I would go for, when that person is really interesting.I have this need to be 'younger'.Yes.
Also, I suppose, it would be so much easier to connect with since we both would have been brought in similar time periods and having phases of 'nostalgia' abt those things, would be real joyful experience with that person.

Phunk Factor said...

@ jits

Oh wow...that's cool...well let's hope it works out for both of us if that's the best for us! :)

@ Whimsical Hatter

First of all...welcome back! :D

While I do see that ur into older men..i think you would make an exception in my case! :p

LOL! I'm such a flit!

Takashi said...

i have dated both sides of the scale.. and i can only say that each person has his own strengths and weaknesses and because age is just a number, it doesn't matter at the end of the day...

Phunk Factor said...

@ Takashi

Yupp....no doubt there!

Philipp said...

I prefer to stick with guys around my age

Fasih Ur Rehman said...

oh, c'mon... age doesn't matter... well not to me :D but then i'd be the last person u'll take relation based suggestion from :/ for me ppl come into my life damn easily and as easily as that they are forgotten too... But if it were a choice for me to choose who to feel strongly towards (note: i am not saying love, as love itself is something i doubt i have ever felt, its all been just infatuation) it has to be somebody around my age plus/minus 2 yrs.

But there's nothing wrong in trying... If you think you like this guy, go for it :) better to go for it now, rather than regretting later as to what might have happened...

Phunk Factor said...

@ Philip

They're goooooood! ;)

@ Fasih

All advice are equally welcome...speak ur heart out, man!

Most ppl prefer it to be close to their age...as Whimsical pointed out in his comment that both ppl are at similar stages of life and have similar phases of nostalgia!

Yeah...that's what I'm trying to figure out right now...let's see how it goes!

Jason Shaw said...

Age, a wonderful thing, but I do wonder if its all the wise to have such rigid restrictions on the numbers. Some wiggly room might prove to be handy when the man of your dreams walks in, yet is two years outside your parameters, what will you do, say no, not a chance, because you happen to have been born 265 days too early?

I can only speak from personal experience, of all the couples I've known, the ones with less than two years between them have been the ones that haven't lasted. The ones with more, seem to have stood the test of time!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Jason Shaw

So in ur opinion there has to a difference of more than 2 years?!

In that case...my latest just might go somewhere with the 4 years gap!

Thanks fr sharing ur valuable input!

Toxic Love said...

Age really doesn't matter unless the guy is super old or super young, I have found myself unable to be with guys who want to dominate me!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Toxic Love

I don't think any relationship in which one feels the need to 'control' his partner healthy...and i can see why they couldn't keep u down! :)

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