Mar 22, 2011

Grow A Pair

While talking to Ted a few weeks back our topic suddenly shifted to the losers one often tends to run into the Online world. "I know exactly what you mean, dude! I absolutely hate their broken English messages asking for ASL, TBV and stuff like that! They really don't care enough to read the profile!"

"I'm not talking about them, Phunk!"


Turns out he was talking about the guys who are so closeted that they treat other guys like dirt but still would like to date them. They don't tell details or in some cases the right details even after having known you for quite some time. Some even don't care enough to give respect to other guys. Generally they describe themselves to be people in place of much power so they can't risk outing themselves to another gay man in fear of blackmail. They maybe around for a casual no-strings attached encounters. Some are here for more. Some just want the companionship of other gay guys so that they have someone to talk to. In either case, they really don't get anything out of it except blue balls, curses and a few exchange of messages.

Personally speaking, I had never come across such guys so I really didn't have anything to say about them. But then recently I managed to get in touch with two such people and I must say that a good deal of what Ted said was spot on. The first of the two was a married man who I initially came across a little while after my break up with Nathan. I never really got a chance to talk to him till quite recently. On the first talk, I remember he asked me if I was interested in kissing and cuddling. I denied his request as I do not prefer engaging in such activities with random strangers - especially married random strangers. However somehow friendship blossomed between the two of us. There were a few advances after that as well however everytime I would give him a cold shoulder or politely decline him. Another thing about him that didn't settle well with me was when he used to call me 'Darling', 'Sexy' or 'Cutie'. Now these terms could be entirely casual but he was married and it didn't settle right with me to be called the thing his wife should be complimented with. I'll admit his smooth talks made my heart flutter a few times but for once my brain did exactly what it was supposed to - keeping me grounded.

One of the most seductive element about him was his intelligence. Intelligence is a huge turn on for me. The talks I had with him, I had never had these talks with anybody before. We talked about religion, sexuality and the two in connection with each other. This brought another conflict to my mind about him that he doesn't entirely practice what he preaches. But it wasn't my place to say anything.

What really used to tick me off quite a few times was his possessiveness. He didn't like me meeting other guys. He cared about me but not in a way he should have. Somewhere along the lines we shared our pictures and contact details. The picture I sent was my usual one with my entire face visible but the one I got from him was of him wearing shades with his head bent down. I had very little idea how he looked like. The contact number I gave him was the one I usually give to guys I meet Online. The one I got was a brand new number which he didn't use often as I never got replies to my text when I sent them and many times during our conversation he would disappear completely. When I would hit dial, the recording would tell me that the desired number is switched off.

Once my college started, I really had no time to come on messengers where we would usually talk. Once in a while we would exchange messages through our cells but he would disappear just like that so eventually I stopped replying to his text completely. Around the same time, Ted started fixing me up with his best friend which eventually didn't happen. He reads my blog and after reading this post, he immediately contacted me telling me I should not meet any new guys. "You don't want me to meet any new guys! Fine! I won't meet them! But I want to meet you instead!", I told him. I wanted to sort it out and put him in his place once and for all.

He agreed. I told Ted to not fix me up yet as I have some things to sort out. I started to plan the meet and gave him several places to choose from. From what he told me he's some high profile guy so I put forward places that aren't much crowded and would provide seclusion if he's so frigg'in scared of meeting a gay guy in public. I got no response. I left a few more messages on his Yahoo! and cell phone. Still no response!

By now I really didn't care if he got down on one knee and asked me out. Then one Friday he caught me Online. I'll admit that I was disrespectful to him but I really didn't care anymore. He told me that he does want to meet me but before that he wanted to see me on camera to make sure that I am the same guy from the pic. At that point all my suppressed rage kicked into life. I told him he is the one who showed me a half-ass picture of himself. He was the one who bought a new SIM to contact me. He is the one who should be showing me his picture. Not me! I really didn't want to put up with his crap anymore. If he wants to meet me, he meets me like just any other regular gay guy. I really don't care for his status. At the end of the day, all gay guys like to suck dick!

And just like that it was over!

And I couldn't care less!

A few days later I got a friend request from some guy from Islamabad. His profile was blank but I decided to give him the benefit of doubt and messaged him. He checked out my blog and was interested in getting to know me. So like any other guy, he messaged me. And like any other jerk, he wrote nonsense. Terming me as 'posh',  wanting to know if my walk is 'straight' and if I would like to have a drink with him sometime. He wanted me to give him a reason to trust him because he has a life and a social reputation to maintain. Oh yeah, and he smelled good from what he told about himself!

Upon reading the message, I told him I can be friends but I would make no extra effort in gaining his trust. He would be treated just like my other contacts. He has a life and that's wonderful. But so do I!

I do know how important it is to maintain our identities a secret and I would never ever out anybody If it doesn't settle well with him, he can take me off his friend list. I really would not mind!

He has come Online a few times since I messaged him and has even posted on his wall. Today I finally deleted him.

To all jerks, if you want to associate with gays for whatever purpose you fancy, grow a pair and learn to respect others - especially those who already have one!


A Daft Scots Lass said...

I agree with you 100%. Its the same with all relationships. Respect and honesty.

Bitchzilla On the Loose said...

He's Married and still interested in you. Umm, why did you even consider meeting him in the first place??
Also, a little warning.. there are SERIAL KILLERS everywhere. Married ones too. Shhh. Careful there Phunk!! :P

Bitchzilla on The loose.

Phunk Factor said...

@ A Daft Scot Lass

Thanks! :D

@ Bitchzilla on the Loose

I wanted to sort it out and tell him it's not cool that he tells me who I can meet and who I can not meet....he never stayed on a call long enough for any form of talk to talk place!

Thanks fr the advice! :D

Bitchzilla On the Loose said...

Someone who hasnt even met you tries to take control over your choices?? Kick him Phunk. Meet him and kick him. :)

Bitchzilla on The loose.

Sebastian G. Oliver said...

Well, are you posh ;), I didn't know people still used that term! Online dating is the oddest thing of all to me, as 90% of a profile tens not to be true, and, while I say to each his own, the one thing that is the biggest turn off is the 'straight acting' nonsense, unless I have a picture of me in a dress, I'm a man! But, at the same time, society no matter the country still has that affect on many men who have sexual feelings for other men, they run boo about being found out, or even thought of as gay, which is sad, and, I for one could never get into that sneaking around stuff, but, then again, my issue is the same always married men who want a 'date,' ugh.

Phunk Factor said...

@ Bitchzilla on the Loose

We're not meeting nemore....he wants to see me on cam before meeting after seeing a clear pic of mine...he's completely lost ne chance of meeting me at all!

@ Sebastian G. Oliver

I am! Hahhaha...srsly?

That's a revelation! Posh ppl are spoiled and pampered...while of the two, i'm only the former! :p

Exactly...unless u hav proof of me being feminine...keep in mind that i'm a man and above all's the basic human requirement to give respect!

Whimsical Hatter said...

These kind,DO EXIST.SAD. but yes. Ran into one recently, exchanged pics and that guy was still doubtful, whether I was serious about meeting him and whether he can trust me et al., I was like, ''dude! I have shown my face and I don't lie. If you trust issues, then bye!''
and there are these kinds, who fail to read your profile and msg you with starting with a 'term of (nauseating) endearment'..ewww! and ask you things that your profile clearly states! I suppose all the horniness, depraves them of the neuron firing in identifying letters and recognizing words-bah!
and the most irritating kind, are those whom you have politely declined(even though they did not read a line from my profile and still, msg me!) continue to do bother you more! and then , there is also this kind, that some how 'misunderstand' the writing in your profile and when things don't go their way, they begin to advise you to change or clearly state abt things in one's profile- these are the ones, that definitely need to be shot!

Aaron Khan said...

I dont think I have ever run into such ppl. well mostly i dont even chat wid married men. so i guess dats 1 reason. as for d 2nd guy, wat did he do 2 get ur trust? nothin. so how can he expect ANYTHIN frm u? screw em dude. crazy idiots!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Whimsical Hatter

Right in the nut sac! :P I'm in a nasty mood today....beware! :D

@ Aaron Khan

Dude...pray tht u never do! Srsly they are nothing but a pain in the neck with all their "I'm in a position of power and can't risk outing myself" crap.....if u can't risk telling about ur identity...don't talk to me...i'm not interested in talking to sum1 who doesn't shift from their computer screens!

Closeted said...

awwww.. these jerks are out there i agree with you.. and it sucks getting in touch with one. I had my fair share of experience with such lot and it kinda made me stop chatting with random people over msn and other chat points..
So, good going.. he deserved real cursing if you ask it of me..

Phunk Factor said...

@ Closeted

Next time....promise! :D

Closeted said...

lol... you better..!

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