Mar 29, 2011

Forget These Not

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that

'Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

- "Gotta Be Somebody" by Nickelback

Being gay, I prefer the cover from Shayne Ward much more!

Doesn't matter where a person's sexual orientation may lie, everybody wants someone to love. If you're straight, the task of finding 'The One' is a gazillion times easier as you always have your family and friends to help you out in your search and inevitably many, just like you - are in search of the same.

However if you happen to be gay, then the rules of this game drastically change. Infact there are really no fixed rules. Every player has his own set of rules and they keep changing their rules to their wish. It's very much a trial and error sort of thing. Some people just pretend to play the game and unfortunately some poor soul ends up getting played really bad. It's not by any means easy in finding 'The One' if you're gay. Rarely do you have the support of your loved ones, generally it's just you watching out for yourself. Our goals are similar - finding somebody to love. And that's what we have to keep in mind.

Ryan plans to lead a straight life. He has sex every now and then with some random guy he finds off the Internet but what many of you may not know is the fact that Ryan has been through a two year relationship which ended in 2008. The guy was moving away and both of them didn't want a LDR, so they split and have remained friends ever since. However those two years were enough for Ryan to get a taste of a gay relationship and firmly decide that they aren't his cup of tea. Fortunately it also gave him enough sense to say something truly sensible every once in a while.

After my break up with Nathan, Ryan told me two things that I needed to keep in mind if I ever decided to get back into the game. Although I didn't really pay attention to his advice as I was very much soaked in depression and despair, but now I realize that his suggestion really could help out just about every gay guy looking for a relationship.

"The guy should want to be in a relationship!", Ryan told me as we sat in his car. "He needs to be looking for a guy, just as you are looking for one and not consider it because you suggested so!" Rarely does mutual attraction happen. You or the other guy will make the first move and then the other person will consider it. But you both are looking for someone to be with and it automatically leads to better chances of success. You can not complicate things with a friend by suggesting that you two should try for something more. You definitely can not suggest somebody who rings you up for a booty call for a relationship. Quite often you end up loosing him for good. Availability is the first thing one needs to keep in mind!

The other thing that Ryan emphasized on was that both guys should be on the same level of their coming out journeys. When they are similar or pretty close to what the other person has, there aren't expectations to be fulfilled. They both understand what they are capable of doing and don't make any such demands which maybe perceived as unreasonable.

Personally I would add a third point to this list and that would be to be acceptable of imperfections. We're all humans! We're all flawed! As another friend of mine once said, "We waste our time searching for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love!"

Enough said!  


A Daft Scots Lass said...

Too Troo

Hadi Hussain said...

So much true, Ryan's a genius :)

Phunk Factor said...

@ A Daft Scots Lass

Word by word, Ma'am...word by word of awesomeness! :D

@ Hadi

He has his moments....awww...who am i kidd'in!? He's a geniass! ;)

THUNDERCAT832 said...

No rules in the game of love when you're gay, huh? I have the most kick ass idea! (remember me when you become famous!)

WRITE ONE! Write a book on the rules of love for the gay man! YOu will get crazy paid!!

Dream up some rules that would make sense and roll with it!

E said...

Love this song! Although...I do prefer the nickleback version. :D

Rakesh said...

I totally disagree. Having been through long and short term relationships, and seen many many more, you cannot generalize relationships. What works depends on person to person. Sometimes, even for one person, it is different with different people. I say, go by your feelings as and when someone comes along that you think you're interested in without thinking too much about these theories. Go with the flo!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Thundercat 832

Do you really believe you can tell a man what to do and expect he'll obey?!

But I would admit that I like ur I'll be rich..buwahaha!

@ E

More or less ALL nickelback songs sound the same to me!

@ Rakesh

I do understand what you're saying about jumping the ship...but even in needs to be a lil thought through...and if you come across a guy who wants the same thing out of life that u do...the factor of being able to identify urslf in him would be more...hence better chances of things actually turning out for the better!

M@rvin said...

I like Rule #2 - maybe that's what went wrong with my last one... Not that #1 worked for us either LOL!

Does Ryan have any thoughts on where/how to meet guys who even want to date? That seems to be the biggest problem in finding a boyfriend.

Sebastian G. Oliver said...

Wow, all I have to say is that is one of your best ones, you broke it down in a way that was powerful, honest and in real time, thanks for this one!!

Phunk Factor said...

@ M@rvin

Expectations generally lead to break up or never finding should ALWAYS enter a relationship with lowest in the end, no matter what he gets...he's happy with it!

Thoughts on meeting guys?! I'll have to ask him!

@ Sebastian G. Oliver

Thanks to Ryan, man! All thanks to Ryan! :)

kitkat said...

Ayeee! This is loooovely!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Kitkat

Thanks...and another thanks for following me! :D

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