Feb 4, 2011

Voices In My Head

The Farewell Party is the last event of our school year, right after that our study leave starts as we have our Cambridge papers in May. When my first year started Alex and I shared chemistry, physics and maths lectures. However by the end of the year, we had only physics in common. I had dropped maths because I had firmly decided upon medicine as my career and Alex felt engineering wasn't his thing.

Our physics professor was the absolute worst. While he may have known his stuff, he certainly couldn't teach. What's the use of his PhD?, I would often ask myself when his classes would have me gritting my teeth. He who helps himself is he who clears the exams was the rule of this class. He was absolutely horrible!

I had gotten to be really good friends with Alex's friends so we used to study together. Furthermore I got to know that Alex lived quite near to my place when I once saw him board the same bus that I usually do. When I asked him, I was very happy to know he lived about 15 minutes drive away from my place. As exams approached, we would often get together at his or my place to study physics.

One day I was over at his place as usual, we were solving past papers. We basically started doing the same paper and used to time ourselves. And just like that, one day while I was doing the paper Alex fell asleep. I didn't notice it until I was half way through the paper and I looked up to check on which question was Alex on. He was lying on the bed with his books cast aside and sleeping. I thought for a moment that he's taking a break, but when he didn't respond to my question about how much paper he is done with, that I got up to check on him and found him sleeping. Oh shit!

First thing in my mind was how serene and amazing he looked sleeping. I believe that's when my romantic/stalker-ish interest in watching the person I was in a relationship sleep started. Yeah, Alex started a whole bunch of fetishes inside me that I never knew of. "Kiss him, you fool!", my mind started screaming to me.

I froze!

The desire to kiss him burned greater by every passing second. My mind kept telling me that he won't wake up as I had tried waking him up earlier but wasn't successful at it. All you need to do is lean in and kiss him, my mind kept saying to me. I would admit that for a few seconds I felt like going ahead with it. He would never know, unless he wakes up. He seems like a deep sleeper, he would never know.

A part of me was also scared that if I do kiss him, what would happen next? Would the feelings intensify? Could they intensify more than what they are now? And then after every few seconds from somewhere inside me a voice would scream, "What if he wakes up?" and I decided to move as further away from him as possible.

His brothers were at school. His parents were off to work. Nobody was home! I would never get such a perfect opportunity anytime else, but I wasn't going to risk it. Yeah, I was pretty desperate for Alex. But I wasn't so desperate that I would risk my friendship for a kiss. I stepped out of the room and settled into the lounge. My mind was so messed up that I couldn't study even if I wanted to.

At about 2PM, I heard the front gate opening and I knew his mother was home. I darted to Alex's room where he was still sleeping. About five minutes later, his mom came in and found Alex sleeping. She asked me since when has he been sleeping. "Since an hour, I suppose!", I lied. "I tried to wake him up but nothing worked!" I told her.

To my surprise, she slapped him. "That's the only way to wake him up!", she told me with a smile. I was half shocked and half amused.

"I'm setting up the table! Come have lunch!", she told us and left the room.

"Sorry, Phunk!" Alex mumbled. "I was studying pretty late last night and didn't get much sleep! Did you complete the paper?", he asked.

"Did you know you snored?", I lied with a smirk.

"What?!", he asked wide awake now. "I do not snore!" he exclaimed.

"Yes, you do! I heard you snore for 4 hours, I know you snore!" I joked.

I packed my stuff, excused myself from lunch and left for home. I had a semi hard-on for a good amount of time at Alex's place. As I got home, I regretted for not having kissed him. But now I realized it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Sexuality is a delicate thing. Best not mess with it!


Nick said...

you did right not to kiss him

Sebastian G. Oliver said...

I like the romantic/stalker-ish part! Funny how when the object of ones desire is right in front of you and your mind is zipping along with all sort of thoughts, but, at the same time the loudest voice says NO, which was the right one as most of the time, the romantic ideal that he would have woke up and gave you a tender kiss, may bot have happened, but a slap similar to the one his Mom gave him, or at least in my world that would have been the outcome!

And, one other thing about the lame professor, they are the worst, but, I have come to the conclusion that many who are really smart on these subjects spent a childhood in books and have no clue as how to put it on the level of real people.

Phunk Factor said...

@ Nick

Yeah!! And welcome to GPY! :)

@ Sebastian G. Oliver

I guess that's how most human beings operate....their conscience gets the best of them and they pull in the reigns!

Obviously...bt we both know ideal is just a fantasy in most cases!!

U are right on the professor bit u put down...there are ppl who know their stuff really well! He did PhD...so there is no doubt tht he knows his stuff!

However teaching is a completely different horse to tame!! Not everyone can do tht!


I have the perfect IDEA!! You need to fall asleep around him and SEE WHAT HE DOES! He might surprise the hell out of you!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Falen

Girl, he's perfectly straight...plus this incident happened way back in 2005...it's been more than 5 years since then...there is alot more to come...so just hang in there!

I'm filling in all the holes!

M@rvin said...

Ha ha, if I hadn't read your response, I would have totally seconded Falen's comment. You always do the right thing, Phunks, quite unlike me. But that's why I get laid more though. :P

Phunk Factor said...

@ M@rvin

Ouch, that's mean! :p

Indie-underground-Gay said...

c'mon Marvin getting laid is not everything!!!
lol yeah PF you did the right thing.
But it IS kinda creepy when you are sleeping and you have someone pushing their tongue down your throat.
But yeah your decision is right, though for different reasons :P

Phunk Factor said...

@ Indie-Underground-Gay

I just imagined someone shoving his tongue down my throat....and i got shivers!!


And thank you so much for jumping on my abstinence band-wagon! We gonna make a convert out of M@rvin yet! :p

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