Jan 22, 2011


I was supposed to pick up my younger brother from his tuition center Tuesday afternoon. As I parked outside waiting for him to get done, I tried keeping myself to my thoughts. I'm gay so I really can not help that guys attract me. However it's only when I am attracted to guys younger than myself that I feel ashamed. The tuition center is primarily aimed for young people between the age of 15 to 19. I thought if I kept to my thoughts, I won't have a dozen more crushes while waiting for my brother.

The plan worked perfectly. I didn't notice any of the guys walking past my car. But then I saw this one kid and BAAM!, I thought for a moment it was Alex. Or at least how Alex looked while we both were still in A-Levels! I could actually feel my eyes diverting back and forth to him and my heart beat just a little faster. I believe I also had a semi hard-on. Alex was my first big-time serious crush. It was such a crush that I often day-dreamed of things happening between us. But as I grew older, sense got knocked into me and I realized Alex is straight and will always be my fantasy.

Another reason I was taken back was because I thought I was over Alex. After graduation, we hardly saw each other. Out of sight, out of mind totally holds true in my case. Six months into my university life and I no longer was crushing on Alex. I had several new crushes now. Some on my classmates, some on my seniors and one on my biochemistry assistant professor. So yeah, I'm a programmed slut with some motor defects!

I tried looking anywhere but where the kid was standing but my stupid eyes kept going back to him. I was almost sure he had taken notice of me and was looking back at me now. Shoot, I'm dead! - I thought to myself. Having a crush on someone is okay, but having a crush on someone and he or she is in knowledge of your crush is so not okay. In fact it's downright embarrassing. I wondered why my brother was taking so freak'in long. It had been about 15 minutes since I messaged him to come out.

What happened next totally shook me up. While I was stealing a glance from him, he looked back and smiled. Not a full on teeth bearing smile, but a simple 'I know you' sort of smile. "Shit!" I swore rather loudly. I started praying that the kid doesn't come any closer and my brother comes out the next second. But since whenever does God listen to anything I have to say?!

What happened next was the exact opposite of both the things I was praying for. My brother messaged me that he would be taking about 30 minutes more and I am not supposed to go anywhere. Also after his friends left, he had no one to talk to so after hanging alone for a while he started moving towards me. I switched gears on my praying and started wishing that he would walk right past me. What happened was that he knocked on my window. "F*ck!", I swore.

"You really didn't recognize me?", he asked.

"Well you look alot like one of my friends back from A Levels!", I told him. "But no, I don't recognize you! Do I know you from somewhere?"

"You didn't know me, but you knew my brother!"

"Oh My God! You're Alex's brother!" I exclaimed. "You look exactly like he did back in A Levels!" God, that was such a stupid thing to say. Now everything made a little more sense to me, however I didn't get how hard was this kid making me. A part of me wanted to jump out of the car and kiss him. But obviously, can't do that! "Did anyone ever tell you that?"

"That I'm Alex's brother?" he joked. "Sure, mom does it everyday when I fight against him!" Alex isn't this funny, he's more of a silent and collected type. "Yeah, I look alot like Alex!"

We talked abit more after that about his studies - he's planning to become a doctor (Please don't get admission in my college! - I prayed hopelessly in silent at that exact moment. ), Alex and A Levels. "It's time for my next class. I'll be heading out now but it was nice meeting you!" he said. "Alex used to talk so much about you when he was in A Levels!"

"Good things, I hope!" I poked.

"Oh yeah, only good things!" he laughed.

After he left, my mind started buzzing about Alex and my entire A Levels journey came flooding back to me. Alex was my biggest crush of all and no matter how much time passes, he still brings a smile to my face and makes me weak in the knees. If I was Superman, Alex would be my kryptonite. First crush is the creepiest!


Sorry for the huge gap in posting, I was down with a flu but I'm all better now. And one more thing, I spent the last two to three days reading my old posts and I realized how many things I've left unfinished. I'll be posting in series about Alex, Junior and Gracie in that order. I need to wind up these open ends. I know it's a small time blog but I gotta keep things professional in case somebody picks this up for a TV Series! ;)

Click here to read the very first post on Coffee & Boys, my new blog!



That's pretty fucking crazy you ran into his brother! I would have passed the fuck out! I'm so gonna check out your blog right now!!! You already know I'm gonna follow ;)

Phunk Factor said...

@ Falen

Even more crazy that his brother looked exactly like him and it was turning me on...i hate infatuations and crushes! :(

Thanks fr dropping by!

M@rvin said...

If you were Superman, Alex would be your Lois Lane, right? ;-)

Phunk Factor said...

@ M@rvin

Nah...Kryptonite! ;)

Derric said...

Oh, yes the TV series.
There were so many loops i the blg, that what Fox Series had told me when i reffered your blog for a new series........, dont be so irresponsible. Fill up the holes if not i wont be recomending your blog as a visual treat for any other producers....lol

Phunk Factor said...

@ Derric

Yes, Sir!! I'll be posting about Alex all thru out February!

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