Jan 18, 2011

Coffee & Boys

The integral fault in my dating technique is that I don't date - at all. I like a guy. I express my feelings. I get it on through text messages, e-mails and once in a while phone calls. By the time I actually meet the guy for the first time, I'm already committed to him.

There is never really any courting, which is a very essential step in a relationship. You can spend as much time as you want talking to the person through IMs, text messages or even phone calls, but the real deal is meeting that person face to face.

When you're sitting across a table or you're walking around some mall, there is so much going on that you can assess and draw a better inference from. Everything you ask gets an answer, but this time it's accompanied by body language, facial expressions and tones. By the end of the date, you've got a fair enough idea whether you want things to proceed further or not.


Keeping all this in mind, I resolved to date as many guys as possible in 2011 - and hopefully still be single by the end of the year. I've been fortunate enough to have not been rejected. Both the times, I've liked the guy and I took the leap. Call it luck or call these guys chivalrous, I didn't fall flat on my face. We got it on however only for about 5 to 6 months.

According to Ryan, I'm a real catch. I do not believe in that so much, because if I truly was one I would not be single. He says that the only reason I am single is because I pick the wrong guys. I have the worst taste in men in the history of mankind. His female cousin who was born just two days after him, crushes on the most obnoxious guys ever. And I rate even worst than her in his opinion!

Since I skip the courting, I never really get to know the guy and assess if he wants the same things that I want. I dive in and the rose-colored glasses slip over my eyes. By this time, it's too late for discussion about issues that matter to me. I can either go forward at the cost of some huge compromises or I break it off and do what I want. If I date properly, these problems would never really be an issue for me. I would have a guy who actually wants what I want and even though we don't have the entire picture clear in our head, we do have a general idea about how to go about creating our masterpiece.

I have a feeling Ryan knows what he's talking about. Who knew there was a brain behind all that beauty?


Landing such a guy would be tough, no arguments there. But I'm an optimist, another plus point which would keep me running in the dating business. While I do agree whole-heartedly to this evaluation, as barely three out of every ten guys I meet would probably have a chance of seeing eye to eye with me. However my plans and choices of dating in Pakistan are far limited due to reasons I'll be posting about later. But if by chance, I do land someone suitable I am still not entirely sure if I would let things progress to the point of relationship.

I'm scared, and I haven't even begun dating yet. Oy Vey!


With that said and done, it's time to introduce my new blog on my twisted dating experiences. You may head over to Coffee & Boys. GoPhunkYourself will still be running - smoothly I hope, however my dating fiascoes shall not be displayed here. First post coming very soon!

19 comments:

FALEN AKA THUNDERCAT832 said...

OH hell yeah things are about to get juicy!!! I wanna hear all about these dates, now you just gotta get out there and have some adventures!!! woop woop I'm getting the popcorn ready!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Falen

It'll all be up soon...I promise!!

Rakesh said...

A word of caution: Make sure you don't fall in love with the guy(s) you're casually dating. I think you're in love with the idea of being in love, and that's dangerous.

Sebastian G. Oliver said...

Oy vey indeed! In a way I see your point, may as well just cut to the chase and meet like people did before the online thing as some of these guys will email and text forever.

And, I love the fact that you want to date all year and still be single, now that's what they really call working it :)

Phunk Factor said...

@ Rakesh

Very unlikely...nothing 'worthwhile' coming up..they all turn me off on the aspect that they can't piece a proper sentence of English...one can do that but he's around for friends with benefits...though he's making an exception fr me and keeping sex outta the deal! :D

@ Sebastian G. Oliver

Fingers crossed....will keep u guys updated! :)

M@rvin said...

Sigh, a lot of men are going to be very unhappy when you ditch them. ;) Hats off to you to be able to get these guys to actually meet up. Back when I was in India, everyone was paranoid about losing anonymity.

Phunk Factor said...

@ M@rvin

LOL...shut up!! I'm not getting into dating ne1 consecutively..imma be playing the field! ;)

I don't jump on to meeting after the first talk....few msgs, some msn chats probably...n then meeting 'em fr coffee!

Rakesh said...

@M@rvin:
In Mumbai, anonymous NSA sex was very easy to find .. in cruising parks, trains, railway stations and the huge private gay parties. Finding guys for sex was never a problem. Finding privacy always was.

Phunk Factor said...

"Rakesh's pearls of wisdom" :D

M@rvin said...

Rakesh, I'm just glad someone in India is having sex. Pilani is of course useless, but I didn't expect my supposedly liberal hometown of Bangalore to be so useless. I chatted with a few guys on guys4men or some website like that, but it never went anywhere. I even started a group on Orkut, back when I was still a member, for gay men in Bangalore. Still no dice, sheesh.

Indie-underground-Gay said...

@marvin, rakesh
I know!!! finding good guys in India is such a pain in the ass!!
But i though Blore would have been better....lol pilani!!!!
hyderabad is ok-ok....
ugh!! 'cruising parks and trains'! thats just sad. I mean obviously you'll find horny psychos there.
And PF good luck with dating and yeah rakesh's right...be careful.
*looks at the album i'm listening to*
woah!!! i f'ing LOVE gaga!!!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Indie-Undergroud-Gay

Ur gay, right?

Ur supposed to LOVE GaGa! ;)

Rakesh said...

I was talking from my experiences in the 90's in Mumbai. I'm sure things have changed now to an extent. On my recent visit to Mumbai, I found out hooking up had become way easier through PR and similar websites. There are at least 3 or 4 big gay dance parties almost every weekend either at a dance club or private parties. I have no idea about the scene elsewhere in India though.

M@rvin said...

@ Indie - My point exactly. Public sex can be hot I'm sure, but not with trolls and/or psychos. And I'm not even sure how you could find any privacy on Mumbai's local trains, unless you took maybe a Harbour Line local at 2 am. :) Dating is mostly out in the Des, unfortunately. Hyd and B'lore are better than most places thanks to the software boom.

@ Phunks - The only song I really love of that meat-wearing diva is 'Alejandro.' What a hot video too, mmm! :)

Phunk Factor said...

@ Rakesh

Wow...mumbai has a crazy gay scene...nothing like that at my side....NOTHING!

P.S. Maybe tht's a good thing! ;)

@ M@rvin

I don't like Alejandro's vid at ALL! :p

M@rvin said...

Rakesh, you're probably right. When I went back in March 2010, I went to one meeting of a gay men's support group. A guy there told me they have parties every week, and that it's not even all that hush hush any more. I'm glad for that, any improvement in the scene is welcome.

Phunks, why don't you want to party? They won't force you to drink or anything, and you'll have more men for your coffee dates. :D And dude, all those men in li'l briefs in the Alejandro vid just got me going.

Phunk Factor said...

@ M@rvin

There are parties in Karachi...but they happen like once every two to three month...and from what i've heard...they are transformed into orgies within a few minutes...not the best place to pick up guys who are searching fr long-term!

Derric said...

That is why i say mostly to meeting people, beacuse once i start chatting and stuff in kind develop a bond, and to see him sexually is kinda difficult for, so better see if it will work out.
I am totally for dating, meeting people.

Coffee & Men, intresting feels like ive picked a cool magazine at a coffee shop.

Phunk Factor said...

@ Derric

Hahahaha...oh wow..i totally love ur last line!!!

N ur just in time to read the 3rd post!

Have fun!

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