Oct 26, 2010

I See Evil

In this never-ending drama we call life, everyone has a part to play. Some are cast as romantic leads. Others end up playing victim. And a few provide comic relief. But if the drama is to be really compelling, there must be a hero...and a villain.
- Mary Alice

I was sitting with Ryan in class yesterday morning waiting for the lecture to start. With exams approaching fast, not many students are coming regularly which leaves many places in the hall empty. You can sit wherever you desire even if you come half an hour late. Some of our professors are extremely narrow-minded, they immediately scowl if they see a boy and girl sitting together on the same bench. Some dislike it to such an extent that they call them out and order them to leave if they can not sit separate. I agree that sometimes the sitting together arrangement can get really noisy but not everybody is that way. You dare make any unnecessary talks with Gracie during class and you are inviting a stare that could freeze the Sahara sun. 

The group of students with whom I regularly hang out has in total 13 people. There are 5 guys and 8 girls. By the way, 80% of our class compromises of females. Straight male heaven! Although I'm on good terms with all of the girls, there are just 6 of them with whom I'm on really good terms. We eat together, talk together, study together and even play chasing games like little kids - although at times only. As much as we want to sit together, we don't during lectures. Plus this gives Ryan and me some time to talk about certain stuff we can't talk in front of others. Ryan and I are entirely synchronous. We time ourselves so that we get to the college at the same time and we enter the lecture halls at the same time. We're just really good friends! 

Yesterday morning as usual, Ryan and I were sitting diagonally across the girls of our group. The class is going on and this guy comes and sits in the same row as us. I look to see who it is. Turns out it's one of the class weirdos. Every class has a few of them, if you just look hard enough or sometimes you don't really need to look. They come right infront of you, out of no where. They think they're big with the ladies and want every possible chance they can get to be with them or next to them. Most girls usually give them a wide berth to walk by and never really want to engage in conversation. Exchanging phone numbers is a complete no-no as if mistakenly they feel welcome, they start sending annoying text messages and poetry which is not even original. Ugh!

I give him one look and immediately turn away. I don't want to engage myself into any sort of conversation with him - I know how much of a moocher they can be about class notes. Besides, I am in class so my entire attention should be focused in front at the professor. So as I am taking down notes and striking out various points in my book, I realize that my weird friend is not looking at the board. For a second I felt as if he's looking at me. I try to ignore the feeling of those piercing eyes and concentrate in front. He has got to stop looking at some point and move on. No luck! He's still looking. This is really pissing me off. I turn to face him and I find out that he's not looking at me. He's looking right across me to the other end of the room. He's looking at the girls of my group. Typical desperate straight male!

Normally I would ignore such sort of behavior, because he isn't the first and he won't be the last. I focus my attention back to the slides that are being displayed. I keep taking side way glances to see what he's up to. I know he's not looking at me but he's making me feel uncomfortable and slightly angry. Doesn't he know it's extremely rude to keep on staring?. Did his parents forget to explain him some important points of human etiquette?. 

"You see that guy sitting across us!", I whisper to Ryan. 

Ryan leans forward to take a look. "You mean Feroze?"

"Don't know his name. But yeah, I'm talking about him!", I reply.

"Yeah, what about him?", he asks.

"He keeps looking at the girls. Constantly! It's like he's not even blinking or looking anywhere else!", I complain.

"Does he have an erection?", Ryan questions.

"How would I know?!" I whisper in disbelief. "I didn't looking at his pants!"

Ryan leans forward to check him out. I immediately slam him back to his chair. "Don't!", I warn. "He'll notice you!"

"So what?", Ryan snaps. "I'm not scared of him! I've started going to the gym again. I bet I can take him down!"

I laugh at how brave, fearless and abit stupid Ryan can be. There really isn't a moment when he is not funny. Sometimes I think he doesn't even try. Being a comedian just comes naturally to him. "No, but yes. I don't like how he's looking at the girls!"

"Yeah!", Ryan answers taking another look. "I look at you like that sometimes!" he tells me.

I turn to him and give him the 'seriously?' look. I really didn't know if he was being funny or serious then.

"I'm kidding! Stop taking me so seriously, man!" Ryan lets out with an eye roll. "Just leave it be. He'll get tired eventually and move on to another clueless female." Unsatisfied I try to obey Ryan's advice but I can't get that look out of my head. How can straight guys objectify women so easily and have no thoughts of repentance? I'm abit of a brotherly figure towards the girls of my group, just like Ryan - although Ryan flirts with them to cover any possible indications of being gay. If someone is trying to mess with our girls, they are indirectly messing with us. We have been friends for like three and a half years, so we have sort of taken the responsibility of making things easier for them while in college. It's a shitty place for a girl to be and I seriously would not like any girl I know personally to go there. There have been reports of guys teasing girls and being nasty to them, so even the girls welcome the help we provide. And obviously they make us tasty treats. I'm abit more possessive towards Gracie for some personal reasons. Ryan knows and probably everyone else knows as well, but I don't care. It's Gracie! My sweetheart!

This guy is really getting on my nerves. I had turned my head casually a few times and still found him staring. Later the class got over and we had a 30 minute break. The girls got up to go to the ladies room. Also I don't understand why girls go together to these places together?. So the girls get up and I see him LICKING HIS FRIGG'IN LIPS!

The last move completely blew my top. I turn to him and tap my pen a few times on the desk to attract his attention. "What's wrong with you?", I ask.

He looks at me as if I just snapped him out of a trance. "Kyu hua? (Translation; What?)", he asked.

"You've been looking at those girls through the whole class. What's wrong with you?" I ask him.

"Tum ko koi khatak? (Translation; What's your problem?)", he responds.

I shift to my language gears to Urdu as this guy clearly isn't going to respond to me in English, even if he understands it. "Tum mustakhil un larkiyon ko ghooray ja rahay ho! Zaara tameez to karo! (Translation; You are constantly staring at those girls! Have some respect!)", I snap back.

"Chup kar! (Translation; Shut up!)", he spat back.

Now I'm really pissed. I'm not even wrong. He was constantly staring, I know. "Nahi hoon ga! Kya kar lo gay? (Translation; I won't shut up! What can you do?)"

"Abay chal! (Translation; Get lost!)", he barks.

Ryan has a habit of getting into the thick of things, especially when it involves me. He just has to come to my rescue. But then if he doesn't half of the time, I'm liable to make a fool of myself or wind up in a hospital. "Tum ko may nay bhee notice kiya tha! Tumari nazar zaara see bhee nahi hati thee (Translation; Even I noticed you. Your sight didn't shift for a second!), Ryan blasted at him.

"Teri behan hai kya? (Translation; Is she your sister?)", he asked extremely rudely.

"Tum ko kya matlab. Larki hai! Kuch to tameez rakho! (Translation; What's your business? She's a girl! Have some respect!)", I respond. I have turned to face him directly. His last statement had really pissed me off.

"Bahar millo mujh say. Phir batata hoon! (Translation; Meet me outside, then I'll tell you!)", he threatens.

Ryan gets really pissed now and there is some exchange of rather colorful foul words between him and the jerk. The girls have entered now and they are looking at us. I know how some of them get upset with fights so I tell Ryan to sit down. We would deal with him later.

All through the second lecture, we keep exchanging dirty looks with him. At least he's not looking at the girls now. So we accomplished that successfully. After the second lecture, we got out off the hall to go for our clinical rotation. As expected, he was really no where to be found. We met up with the girls in the hospital. Ryan and I had gone ahead of them.

"What was going on in class?", one of them asked.

"Our poodle was trying to be a bulldog!", Ryan explained. LOL! Everybody shot him a puzzled looks.

"Nothing!", I interjected. "Just some jerk trying to make my life miserable. Forget him! It's a beautiful day and I'm sure we have" Ryan later told Gracie on the sly, despite me telling him to keep it with him.

Later today, after the second lecture as we were waiting after the second lecture. The girls were busy in the girl's room. We saw the jerk. He tried to make some sort of threatening eye contact, but we really didn't pay any attention to him. We gave him a look and turned away. "He's all talk, no walk!", I told Ryan. He couldn't disagree with me. I'm awesome!


▬╡νι¢кソ╞▬ said...

:-) Hey Phunk, kaise ho...

Nice to be back here, and reading you again. I think its nice, this way.

Good to know that you write so well ab bhi. Of course, you would. Main bhi na...

About the straight despo jerk, I would say you encountered the mild variety. I mean there are certainly worse guys than him, and plentiful.

Keep writing the way you do, I hope I am able to follow your blog regularly.

Phunk Factor said...

@ ▬╡νι¢кソ╞▬

Heyyyyy...ur back!! YAYYYY!!! That's truly awesome!!!

Hahahaha....what's gotten u tongue-tied? ;)

Yes...there are!! N yes..i have encountered worse than him...you won't believe how sick some ppl can be! X(

Stick around...it's nice to have a familiar friendly face!!

Mind Of Mine said...

Who is your Villian?

Phunk Factor said...

@ Mind Of Mine

That Feroze...or basically any other dude who is objectifying women...it really pisses me off badly!! Really really bad!!

M@rvin said...

Phunk as Superman, Feroze as Lex Luthor. :) Reminds me of the old Bollywood line - "Tumhare ghar mein maa-behen nahin hai kya?" LOL!

I objectify all the cute guys in the gym everyday here. I think some of the girls have noticed me looking at the guys instead of them. :D

Jack said...

And Ryan is the hero?

But hey..i'm proud that you stood up for something!

"Poodle tried being a bulldog" = ROFLMAO

wajahat said...

well phunky i would really not agree with you
not the five fingers are all equall..
and for the rest i am straight too so the thing which matters is lust and nature.. well coming to the point i have seen a lot of gays n lesbos who do have lust keepng their lusty eyes on peoples.. and you are like me you like respecting girls and want everyone to do that too.. i am good with girls too and to be honest you are right in understanding girls stuffs magar you should better not point out straights .. =p
and yeh you didnt give a warm welcome i am back on blag after a really long time.. =P

Phunk Factor said...

@ M@rvin

Hahaha..okay, that comparison was totally not called for!! :p

Okay...so you can objectify...bt there is an expression that goes like 'Dekh magar pyaar say'....and believe me, there was nothing nothing even remotely pyaara in that look!!

@ Jack

No, I am! He's my side-kick! Batman n Robin! ;)

Hahahha...yea..thinking back that even gave me a nice laugh!!!

@ Wajahat

That is one variety...there are nice staright guys as well...bt just like there are gay jerks...there are also straight jerks....i happen to came across one of them!!

Warm welcome? Umm....how should I welcome you? :D

Derric said...

ya jerks are common every where... by the way its cool big brother


omg I so love you and Ryan!
I get that creepy stare all the time and it makes me feel so awkward! Man, the fuckers won't even blink sometimes...ITS SO DISRESPECTFUL! One time I stooped so low as to wave my knife at a guy signaling to stop looking at me or I'ma fucking gut you like a fish! ...(they tend to get the hint after that)

Phunk Factor said...

@ Derric

Hahaha...big brother!! I'm the youngest in my group! :p


Awww....I love you too!! I bet Ryan will do so too!! :D

LOL!!! U actually waved a knife...hahaha...omg...frigg'in brilliant!!!

wajahat said...

well dont worry will let you know how you should welcome me..
and yeah right how can i just pretend to be right against phunky... =P
straight jerks gays jerks n lesbo jerks..
or human jerks.. =P

Phunk Factor said...

@ Wajahat

U said it, man!!

wajahat said...

waisay things or whole blog a part..
loved the dialogue our poodle is trying to become a dog..
soory i am not good at english could you please manage to translate that dialogue into urdu or punjabii.. =P =D

Phunk Factor said...

I'll fowd ur compliments! ;)

wajahat said...

Hahaha sure..
but where is the translation phunkyy boii =P

jits said...

Rah Rah My BullDog :)!!!!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Wajahat

I'll explain on chat! Don't worry! :)

@ Jits

I'm still not fetching the newspaper for you! :p

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