Oct 22, 2010

Daddy Issues

There have been three things in my to-do list that I must absolutely accomplish and once I have accomplished them, I can die as a very happy man. They are as follows;
  1. Having a very successful career as a medical practitioner
  2. Becoming a culinary expert
  3. Raising a child 

While the first two simply require sheer hard-work, determination, motivation, ingenuity, innovation and lots of paper work, the third one poses an immense challenge. The third one requires all that and alot of luck. Let's face it, raising a child is no piece of cake. But I can't put into words how much I look forward to having a little one all of my own. I gave up on it once some time ago and constantly a part inside of me regretted it. Now there is absolutely no way I am giving up on this one.

I have a ton of cousins who are married and have had their first taste of fatherhood. The look on their face when the little one yawns in their arms, curl their tiny fingers around the father's thumb or do something as simple as make the goo sound; the look my cousins get on their face - that expression of pure joy and unconditional love. I want that for myself - that bubble of happiness bursts inside me as well even though it's not my child. Just because I'm gay and don't plan to marry a girl should not mean that I should be denied fatherhood - I don't care what the frigg'in society believes. I know most probably I'm going to be a single father and frankly I don't mind that. Right now I'd rather have a child in my life than a man by my side. Single father is tough business but my chances are much better with children than with men. Also I don't think most gay men - even those willing to get into a relation, desire to become fathers. Me and my child - we can build our own little nest of happiness.

Anybody who knows me on a personal level knows that I love love LOVE kids. Fortunately the kids also happen to love me, one of the nicknames my friends have given me is Baby Whisperer. A while back when I had my rounds in Pediatrics and the Gynecology and Obstetrics floors, I used to have a ball of a time with the babies. It was literally my heaven - children of all shapes and sizes. Once I was holding a baby in my arms and it fell asleep, the doctor showed up suddenly so I didn't want to risk putting the baby down and waking her up. I got Ryan and Gracie to stand in front of me and shield me from the doctor so that he doesn't notice the baby in my hands. I must have held her like that for 30 minutes. It was only when my arms started to ache and I was sweating profusely from the elbows that I decide to hand her over to the mother- gently of course. Thankfully the doctor didn't say anything when he realized that I was holding the baby for the first half of his class. I'm a very highly appreciated baby sitter given that I'm very frequently sitting for my 2 year old niece and 3 yr old nephew. I don't mind it at all. They are my little bundle of joys and till my sister has babies of her own I'm going to do with these. I never told this to anyone, but after the break up just to cheer myself up I spent an entire day with my niece. I'm not lying when I'm telling you this, I didn't even think of Nathan one bit. She kept me running around in circles and I didn't mind it at all. By the end of it, I smelled like sweat and baby formula but I didn't care. I had the most amazing time of my life with her.

I know being a single father is going to pose numerous issues for me every single day and I will think it out thoroughly before I take on this mammoth task of being a dad. But if there is even the slightest chance that I'll pull it off, I'm not going to stop at anything to accomplish this dream of mine. I know I can be a great dad because everybody around me knows I'm great with kids. I somehow just manage to know exactly what they want. One of my cousin's wife especially pointed it out last year during one of the trip to Walmart when I managed to remember everything her son wanted. All my nephews and nieces think I'm the coolest uncle especially since I don't mind giving them as many piggy back rides as they want. I just know that if I ever have a chance of becoming a dad, I'm going to be doing a freaky awesome job and I would not let them feel that they happen to have just half of the normal parent quantity. I don't need a man. I seriously don't. You simply can't rely on them and you definitely can't be constantly happy with them. Guy on guy chemistry is complicated business, give me the inorganic and organic any day. Believe it, you'll be doing me a huge favor.

I don't care who opposes this decision of mine and I am definitely not going to be making space in my life for anybody who will not be accepting my kid. You love me, you gotta love my kid. It's as simple as that! I really hope that I am able to fulfill this dream of mine. I really do!


Eros said...

*2 thumbs up* fr tht decision Phunku. :)

Even I hold the same opinion. Though I dnt think I am tht gd with kids as u 've tld abt urself here.. lol :) but I've decided to raise a kid fr sure - either mine or adopted. And very correctly said tht it might become a lot difficult considering how your partner thinks about it. So i've also contemplated the idea of maybe jst going the single parent route. Lets see wht future holds..

Phunk Factor said...

@ Eros

Hahaha...awesome!! We'll be a couple of single daddies chillin together with their babies...eating cake! :D

I really hope that you, I and who ever wants to pull of the single father stunt manages to do it successfully....InshAllah!!

Mike said...

It takes a special person to be a dad.

Me, I'm undecided. I like to teach kids. I'm not sure I want kids of my own. I know that I would like a son if I were to have kids... lol... soo picky!

Samuel said...

hmmmz . . . count me in pal , its alwayz been one of ma greatest n most intrinsic desirez . . . but i want to be the best in what I am before i take up that responsiblity, so that I dont have much people to answer to . . . :-)

Phunk Factor said...

@ Mike

I love teaching kids as well...but with my freak'in busy schedule it's hard to land a permanent job of doing so!!

I've started giving tuitions recently to two brothers but I'm having trouble managing that as well! Let's see..i plan to go ahead with it fr as long as I can making sure the kids get the most out of it!

I really hope I can pull it off!!

@ Samuel

I won't be surprised if most guys hav the same feelings...i guess there is a father inside all of us waiting to burst out! :D

Jack said...

Adoption is probably a better option since you are thru the whole phase of diapers, 3 am feeds and teething!!! It would be easier to manage...say a 5 year old compared to a new born...if you are as likable as you have presented yourself I do not see any reason why you can't be a successful single father!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Jack

If you don't mind me asking, are you a father? :o

I didn't think of it from that angle...but I won't mind it!! I love babies!!

Thanks fr the boost of confidence!!


Awwwwwwww! You WILL be a father some day! Fuck society! It will happen when you are ready willing and able ;)

...side note...
I don't mind popping out a little ball of joy for my blog brother ;)...so there is no incest, we can hit up a hospital and get er done lol

Jack said...

No...I'm not...but let's just say I've been around enough babies to know how they function...adoption IS a better option since you have skipped all that unpleasant stuff...yes, you'll be skipping making some amazing memories but it'll be easier with you being a single father!

Think about it!

Raj said...

Umm..Actually I would love to adopt a kid but who doesn't prefer one of their own.I would want a man by my side but thats negotiable :P
P.S-Phunku..if you dont find anybody else..adopt me? :P

Phunk Factor said...


OMG!! Seriously? I LOVE you and I LOVE LOVE LOVE biracial people...seriously, gimme the mix netime...they're so exotic looking it's mind-boggling!

Hahaha....thanks...when I'm ready and available...i'll definitely be considering burrowing ur Uterus! ;)

@ Jack

Ummm..I want those memories...but yeah, a new born baby is definitely out of question because of the breast feeding issues....if I want to go young, it'll be like 1.5 and up!!

Thanks fr lending in ur AWESOME advice!!! Really...your words are so amazing!!

P.S. Consider opening up a blog..seriously!!

@ Raj

Adopt u? Hahahahaha.....are u willing to get into diapers and pacifiers fr me? ;)

If yes...then SHHHUUUUURE!!!

M@rvin said...

Yes, yes, yes! You're the only guy that gets me. My ex made fun of my baby plans, fuck him. Do you want to adopt or use a surrogate? I'd prefer adoption, so many babies without good homes as it is. We have to be rich enough to afford nannies though, as single parents. :-|

Phunk Factor said...

@ M@rvin

Crap!! My ex was against the idea about having a kid as well..but thankfully he didn't make fun of the idea...thanks Nathan!! :)

About adopting or using a surrogate? I'm more convinced to go for adoption but more on that later...i'm still doing some research regarding tht!!

Jack..abit above you...has supported the idea of adoption as well...and has given some really strong points! Bt like I said...i'm still wondering how to go about this!!

P.S. Glad to see you blogging again...i'm going to be popping over to chck u out soon! :)

M@rvin said...

Yes, glad to be back! Was in a bad mood for a while and didn't want to spread it too much. :) I read your previous posts where you talk of missing your ex... These things take time, and sometimes the feelings creep up when you're not expecting it to. :(

Jack said...

El Oh El!! My work keeps me busy...won't really find time to blog..besides I post everything that I can in comments...don't really need to open a blog!

Phunk Factor said...

@ M@rvin

Tell me about it....someone just called my 'hero' a while back and I started missing how he used to call me 'hero'! :(


But life must go on!!

@ Jack

If you say so, big man!! LOL! I'm curious to get to know you more now! :p

Derric said...

Reminded me of my longing for a family. One day it will be true...fingers crossed

Christian said...

uummh... I think i'd be a good parent....but m nt as crazy about kids... its just that I see the Kids around me and I know what they are going, how parents arent dealking with their kids well, its the most important phase of a person's life...when you get shaped.. and Grow to become the person you are... Ambitions... Fears... Motivations... Ideals...etc...all these take root in this childhood phase.. and i see kids... who have the potential..actually everyone has the potential to do something great... Losing their confidence.... being lost in system... their talents suppressed... and i feel sad... I think i'd be a Good parent... and its the Toughest thing in the planet...cos you are responsible for a human being... How much to Control...and how much to Let Go...

Other day I had a thought... I have a kid.. and he hurts himself.. scrapes his knees and is bleeding or burns his fingers... It'd Hurt me more than he is Hurting... but unless but let him get hurt ..how will he know...what not to do... srsly its the Toughest thing... How much to Love... and thats why you let go...

and I have decided quite early that I want to Adopt... any age will do.. new born to a five year old, but basically because.. population is exploding... and there are so many underprivileged children... in need of nurturing, proper care.... with better resources and opportunities they can do so well... at least I will be able to make a difference in one person's life.

and i dont think a Child has to be your Gene... to be your Child...you are the with it, he/she is growing up in your love & care.. so he/she 'll be your child...

and I def am adopting but until m more settled and earning well...so that Child has everything... i am Not... But I will.. :D

Phunk Factor said...

@ Derric


@ Christian

Daeyumm, that's one long comment!! Oh wow...thank u thank u!! >>>>Hugs<<<<

I get what you are talking about potential...that's the thing...you need to let children explore and experiment...let them know what works fr them and what they want to become...ofcourse u give them ur honest advice...bt you should not force them into something that you feel is right fr them!!!

I'm sure u'll do a great job of being a dad...InshAllah!!! U've got that...straight forward thinking that has space to accommodate new ideas..I just know it!! :D

wajahat said...

just joined and read your blog after a long long time.. just let me in phunky..
well being honest i am good with children too and feeling of DAD is just awesome you just cant deny its importance..
and for the sake of discussion i would like to say i am with you now and always as a man, bhai friend or whatever just no need to worry
yawr dekh lain ge sab ko.. and for the rest i love you more than before seriously well expressed i got emotional too.. =P ;)

Phunk Factor said...

@ Wajahat

Hahaha...first in line to become a chachu! ;)

Thanks fr all ur support, man!!

wajahat said...

hahaha yeah chachu sir..
would love to hand out with a baby boy or a baby gal specially if they are particularly son or daughter of phunky... =D
and i am with you thanks aali keri gal.. =P

Phunk Factor said...

@ Wajahat

Thanks, man!! :D

Whimsical said...

Hallo Phunk!

I loved..loved this post of yours and is going to be one of my all-time favorites. I'm so 'high' that someone actually,actually exists like me with daddy issues !!yay me!

Oh, how I wish I had a daughter and son!!! i have been having these baby blues for a while(actually it has intensified the last six months when I hooked on certain mommy blogs..how I envy them!)

From the look of it,you are going to be one heck of a dad!!


Phunk Factor said...

@ Whimsical


Long time no see!!! How have you been, man? :)

Thanks fr all the wonderful compliments but yeah...as you can see, I'm not the only one with this dream..there are alot more!! :)

Ur hooking up on mommy blogs? Awww...ur so cute!!

Thanks fr the wishes as well! :D

Whimsical said...


been good,man...was on vacation,hence the absentia!

Whimsical said...

That one too!! It's actually my second favorite post of yours. I was really glad, that someone out there, of 'my kind', actually was interested in having kids! I was like 'awwh'... I'm reading or rather lurking around two mommy blogs and go all teary eyed and ROFL, reveling in their children's antics! I so want children..like, 'right away' :-)

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