Oct 31, 2010

A Little Understanding Please

I was chatting yesterday to this black dude from Los Angeles on my Facebook. He had read a few of my comments from various notes around the place and actually liked them quite alot. He read my blog and liked a couple of entries, especially the ones on 'Awareness'.

We were exchanging messages as he didn't have a gay profile and was still very much closeted. He was talking to me from his straight profile. He intended to stay that way because his father is an extremely homophobic person and he was pretty darn sure that if he ever came out, he is going to be disowned. He was a little older than me, 25 years old. I kind of felt sorry for him but it wasn't my place to say anything.

Oct 26, 2010

I See Evil

In this never-ending drama we call life, everyone has a part to play. Some are cast as romantic leads. Others end up playing victim. And a few provide comic relief. But if the drama is to be really compelling, there must be a hero...and a villain.
- Mary Alice

Oct 22, 2010

Daddy Issues

There have been three things in my to-do list that I must absolutely accomplish and once I have accomplished them, I can die as a very happy man. They are as follows;
  1. Having a very successful career as a medical practitioner
  2. Becoming a culinary expert
  3. Raising a child 

Oct 18, 2010

Hands All Over

The room was perfect in the sense that I have always dreamed of owning a room like it. It screamed 'Man' so loud that you would go deaf. It wasn't dirty, besides the usual mess of books confined on the table and CDs strewn all over the computer table. There was no bed, instead two mattresses placed on top of one another. There was some sort of cushioned back support, a mother's touch I guess. Two giant ass pillows and a bed side table with a laptop resting over it, playing an episode of Seinfeld. Bruce loved to watch Seinfeld, he didn't like any of the other programs airing back then except for Prison Break. There was bookshelves on the wall housing his MBA books and a few pictures of his nephew. The walls were a pale shade of green, which was the only thing I disagreed with. I prefer hues of blue or a plain simple white. The coolest part was the closet built into the wall. I hate bumps coming in the wall of on-going walls. Built-in closets are amazing!

"So what do you think?", he asked.

Oct 16, 2010

The Cheesy Killer

I reached Bruce place around 4 in the afternoon. I had agreed to come over to his place the day he asked me to come over, but I considered multiple number of times to call and cancel on the plan. Another part of me wanted to simply not show up. Give no reason and completely ignore it, but that would have been too much. I got ready and left my place around 3.

As suspected, the journey took about an hour. Everybody seems to live so far away from my place; Bruce, Ryan, Nathan and just about everybody else. I had goose bumps all over my body as I drove. I tried relaxing myself with some anthems but images of hot heavy sex kept pushing through my brain. It was like the inside of my eyelids had been painted by some artist who specializes in Kama Sutra portraits. It was the weirdest experience ever, but perhaps it was because this would turn out to be my first ever experience with a guy. I won't deny and say that I wasn't excited, because I was. I was really very much excited. But at the exact same time I was scared in a total out of the body experience.

Oct 13, 2010

Not The Better Person

I cracked yesterday. I cracked really really bad. I had a rough day at college when I couldn't complete the assigned task in the time alloted to us and hence I didn't get any grade on it. But then nobody else got a grade either, nobody could complete the assignment. Our new instructing doctor is such an impossible person, he wanted us to take history, perform a physical examination, reach a differential diagnosis and counsel in 20 minutes. I'd seriously like him to take a go at that AND meet patient's satisfaction at the same time. For me, patient satisfaction is the most important thing. If the patient doesn't like how you treated him, he won't come around for a second time if anything goes wrong. The no-grade charade spoiled my entire mind set for the rest of the day. I was in the worst of the moods.

Oct 9, 2010

We Are Not Having Sex

"So where are we meeting next time?", Bruce asked.

"I don't know! I have my mids coming up so I don't think I'll be able to make time in the next few days!", I told him dejectedly. I didn't know what was going on his head but I knew he was planning something. He had that crooked smile of his that always conquered his face when he was being naughty. "Why? Did you have something specific planned?" I asked him. I was totally suspicious that something was brewing in his mind. I could smell it.

"My parents are going away this weekend to see my elder brother!", he told me. Were my eyes playing tricks or was he actually blushing?, I asked myself in amazement. He had the reputation of a playboy, having been with at least more than 50 guys before me. I didn't entirely believe it because I don't think anyone can get laid that easily - even with his good looks and suave demeanor.

Oct 7, 2010

Gotta Have Ryan

Ryan and I have been the best of friends for about 3 years and before that we were acquaintances for about 2 years. I never expected when I first met him that how much we would get involved into each other's lives and how much we have in common despite being as different as fire and water.

Ryan never struck to me as gay before he came out to me. Frankly speaking, I never expected running into a gay person in my college. I just didn't. I knew there were more like me but I doubted that fate would cross my paths with another one of us. Boy!, How much fate loves to play with me!

Oct 4, 2010

Then Queer, Now Free

Roll your eyes as much as you but I'm a huge Reality TV Whore. I thoroughly enjoy watching shows like American Idol, X Factor, Top Chef, Project Runway and even America's Next Top Model. Yes! I watch America's Next Top Model!

I know it's not the best thing to put out about myself but nobody said I have to be perfect. But yeah, I watch only America's Next Top Model. I don't bother with the Australian edition or the British version for that matter. I'm just crazy about the US of A. Besides I think Australian and British girls are abit of a snob types. They have got so many issues.

In the most recent cycle; that is cycle 15, there is an openly lesbian contestant Kayla Ferell. No, it's not that she's the first lesbian to ever appear on the show. There have been many through the cycles. There has even been a transsexual contestant, Isis King.

Oct 2, 2010

Bring The Change

When I was in my second year of A-Levels, there came a boy in the freshman batch who was instantly detected by my then nearly non-existent Gaydar. But the truth was, you really didn't need to have a Gaydar to realize that he was gay. You could have a single conversation with him or just observe him for sometime, and come to the very obvious conclusion. Everything about him screamed gay!

During those days, I myself was going through the inevitable process of soul-searching. Everything I had imagined for myself had been tossed into an unrecognizable mess by Alex. Even though I wasn't dreaming about Alex as much as I used to, I was still unclear as who I was. The only part that was clear to me was that I was attracted to men and even the thought of that scared the shit out of me. I would be lying if I denied that I hated myself for being what I am. I had labeled myself 'Freak'.
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