Sep 9, 2010

My Masterpiece

I'm a dreamer. I always have been and I don't think I'm going to stop anytime soon. Ever since I was a child, I had pictured how I wanted to do things in my life.

Over the time, the dreams changed. The most notable change is possibly the fact that I started to picture myself with someone. Over time, this someone turned out to be a boy. But what boy?, was another question that needed to be answered.

I dated a few guys, 5 to be exact. There was another boy I got involved with but before things could go anywhere, he cut the ties. I'll get to him later somewhere in this blog.

Sometime after that I got serious with another guy eventually. But I didn't quite picture what I had dreamed with him. It wasn't as if we were incompatible, but we had not fully understood each other. I broke that one off. You all know that boy as Bruce.

After nearly 8 months came another boy. Now this boy was something. This boy became everything. He was the boy I had always dreamed about. He was the boy I fell for deeply. No need to make you guess who I am talking about here.

Patiently in silence I pieced together my masterpiece, somewhere along this period he started to help me put the pieces on my masterpiece. We had our own little workshop where we experimented and explored, taking out pieces which didn't fit and putting the ones that did fit in their place instead. We smiled as each piece came together to fit perfectly. It was turning out beautifully.

But then some pieces weren't going anywhere. They just didn't seem to fit. No matter how much I tried to force them in, there was no way. He felt that it was no longer the masterpiece I wanted. He felt that even if we somehow put these pieces together somehow, they would crumble someday with so much force that they would take down the entire workshop with them. I denied. He insisted. He said that he knew what he was doing. He said that one day we would look back and agree that it was the right decision. I tried my best to stop him but there was no stopping him. He pushed himself away and stepped out, now I'm in this workshop all alone. I have my pieces. I have his pieces. But I can't put them together. His pieces can only be put in their place by him. But he isn't here, so those pieces will just lie there.

My masterpiece for now stays incomplete. It may stay incomplete for a while. Or maybe it is complete. Maybe it's meant to be completed in an incomplete fashion. I don't know. But for now, I'll let the dust settle. I'm tired from trying to put it together. I'm very tired!


Derric said...

Where is the Optismistic Phunk, everything will settle down, and oneday you will find the helping hands

Phunk Factor said...

@ Derric

He's turned dark and twisted.....even more than before! :p

Kidd'in!! I'll be okay in a few days....gimme some time!


Awww my phunky Brotha! Let it all out! Let that shit out! You can't be all sunshine and rainbows all the time. (no offence to you Derric boo, kisses xoxo)

I'm just saying I've been in his place. Not only when It comes to heartache, but also when people get so used to you being HAPPY AND OPTIMISTIC all the time, they get shocked and bewildered when you are down in the dumps.

People forget, WE ARE HUMAN.

You are allowed to be miserable every once in a whilce. So let that shit out.

One thing I can say about dating heartburn, is that it has it's beautiful points. Just when you think you will end up all alone in this world and that no one will "get you" or love you as hard as you love them...BAM THAT SHIT COMES OUT OF NO WHERE...UNEXPECTED, UNPLANED, UNCENSORED, AND UNCUT LIKE 70'S PORN COCK!

Embrace that pain. Feel it! Recognize what it's doing to you...You need to know that pain SO YOU WILL APPRECIATE THE GOOD SHIT THAT'S AROUND THE CORNER.

Without pain there is no pleasure. So let it out...the good shit is!

Branden said...

You just need that kick of motivation n inspiration to complete it :P ...
masterpiece XD

Rakesh said...

Think of it this way - the piece that you're working on is just a small part of a much bigger canvas of your life. There's more pieces to come. The masterpiece gets completed only after you've lived your entire life. Until then, you'll be surprised at how many brilliant pieces you'll get to add in that masterpiece. Don't give up dreaming and smiling. :)

Phunk Factor said...


True enough....have heard from alot of ppl tht true love hurts!!!

@ Branden

Ur missing a key ingredient, kiddo! ;)

@ Rakesh

So I don't even get to see my masterpiece? :o :p

Kidd'in!! Bt i guess that does make sense in a way....and yea, giving up is so not an option!

Mind Of Mine said...

I had a dream like yours once, I was in a steady relationship, we had just got our first apartment and I tried so hard to make it work.

He had been so F'D up by his upbringing that he was too far gone to help. I had to step back before he took me down with him.

To this day, it is my biggest failure.

I feel your pain.

Phunk Factor said...

@ Mind Of Mine

I won't term it as a failure....yes, we did fail in the sense to make it last...but the good times we had...are some of the best moments in my life!

I can't say tht he didn't try...he did try...but somethings he couldn't do and he felt tht made him fall short on the list of a perfect bf!

I stood in opposition to it..but he knew what was to be done...we're both hurt right now!

Thanks fr dropping by with ur kind words!


dpking19 said...

omg phunk what are you doing up? Love<~Peter~>

Phunk Factor said...

@ dpking19

Up? I'm down, man! :p

I'll be up in some time....hang in there! But hey...ur throw a party! ;)

Dean Grey said...

Phunk Factor!

The hardest part of all of this is you couldn't make him see things your way. He seemed set in his decision and no matter what you said or did would make a difference.

Perhaps your pieces can only be put together by you. He may have helped move them into place but only YOU can assemble the masterpiece.

Big (((HUGS))) to you!!


Phunk Factor said...

@ Dean Grey

Perhaps that where the fault lied....we both were stubborn for our own reasons!

Thanks fr the warm hug!


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