Aug 8, 2010

Dream a Little, Dream of Me

At moments when I have nothing to do, I find myself dreaming. One of the particular thoughts that cross my mind are of Nathan. I find myself dreaming about him all too often and all too much. In fact, I think I dream more about him now more than I did when it all started. Perhaps that has to do with him reciprocating my feelings and giving me positive signals that he too wants something permanent with me.

Now that I am sure that he feels the same way I do, I have started sharing my dreams with him. While I did dream alot earlier, I didn't share. We had just started to get to know eachother and if I started badgering him now about the voices in my head, he's going to think I'm a crazy person. Also Nathan was still processing the thought of being in a gay relation so sharing my thoughts about how I wanted it to be could very possibly freak the boy out. Sharing dreams at the initial stages leads to the thought of high expectations in the other person's mind, which may result in the said person freaking out and quite possibly ending it. Or maybe it was the thought that things could come crashing down easily and I wanted to be in my fool's paradise a little longer that kept my mouth shut with a padlock.

Another change that has happened in the recent times is that the dreams have changed. Earlier my dreams involved of Nathan expressing his feelings, the two of us alone in my car driving to places, the first kiss, being close enough to touch and feel, thoughts like that occupied my mind all so often. But now all that has happened in the past few weeks. We've done all these things and we enjoyed it immensely, so the dreams have changed. Now my dreams are bigger and extend much far off. Things I dream of now are most likely to happen at least four to five years later or maybe more. Things like moving in together, being a couple for life, picking the other or being picked from work, forming a union possibly and then some. Like I said, the dreams have changed.

With the stakes being higher, it would be best to be vulnerable and honest. I share them so that I know what he thinks and how he feels about the them or if he has any issues with them. Maybe I'm over-looking things given that I tend to thinks abit more from the heart and he thinks more from his mind. I won't say that he's agreed to everything. We've had some arguments along the way but I can't deny the fact that his points were perfectly valid. That's another thing about Nathan that I'm completely in love with, he doesn't fight about stupid things or pick uselessly. We've found a few solutions and to what we couldn't find a solution, we've left it to time. When that moment comes, we may have the idea of what to do and how to do it best. Experiences comes with age, right?



dream of me sometime then ... :P

Sid said...

I know more about these dreams...They keep changing.. :-) and reach higher expectations each time when they are completed or met.

These little little things matter a lot of us..dont they? Awww...

I have never spoken of my dreams so openly with anybody I suppose.. Donno y..May be I havent felt anybody worth talking to...

All the best for you about Nathan..:-)

Branden said...

oh yes, experience and age go together, i am an experienced kid :P

ps. sharing some honey dripped dreams with your honey is bliss. Dreams are amazing things, :)

Phunk Factor said...

@ L²

Hahahaha....perhaps..but that's another post!

@ Sid

Thanks, buddy!! Hope u find someone soon too!

@ Branden

Experienced kid?

I agree to half of it....guess which half? ;)

H said...

I'm happy for you Phunkay!
Also, that is phenomenal. Everytime I hear it, I can see the closing scene of Beautiful Thing.

Branden said...

better be the upper half :P .. well ok may be i am not experienced and everything, but i am on my way ;)

Phunk Factor said...

@ H

Thanks, man!!! Also I completely love ur endless disfiguring of my moniker! ;)

@ Branden

Now that I can agree to! :)


Dude that sounds like love to me!!

I've dreamed about my BF here and there...but...I stop myself when it comes to telling him about them out of fear of me ruining a good Deja Vu in the making...I keep my lips closed so they can come true...or maybe im just weird.

Phunk Factor said...


That very much is love, my awesome friend!

N earlier even I was skeptical of sharing, but things change with time....and sharing is good....wen the other person knows, its easier fr both!

Derric said...

Dreams are reflections of yourself, fulfilling those dreams might be a difficult task but its worth it.

Johnny said...

One word only; Cute!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Derric

I seriously hope I get to fulfill mine!

@ Johnny

Dude....ur such an amazing follower! You have no idea!

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