At moments when I have nothing to do, I find myself dreaming. One of the particular thoughts that cross my mind are of Nathan. I find myself dreaming about him all too often and all too much. In fact, I think I dream more about him now more than I did when it all started. Perhaps that has to do with him reciprocating my feelings and giving me positive signals that he too wants something permanent with me.
Now that I am sure that he feels the same way I do, I have started sharing my dreams with him. While I did dream alot earlier, I didn't share. We had just started to get to know eachother and if I started badgering him now about the voices in my head, he's going to think I'm a crazy person. Also Nathan was still processing the thought of being in a gay relation so sharing my thoughts about how I wanted it to be could very possibly freak the boy out. Sharing dreams at the initial stages leads to the thought of high expectations in the other person's mind, which may result in the said person freaking out and quite possibly ending it. Or maybe it was the thought that things could come crashing down easily and I wanted to be in my fool's paradise a little longer that kept my mouth shut with a padlock.
Another change that has happened in the recent times is that the dreams have changed. Earlier my dreams involved of Nathan expressing his feelings, the two of us alone in my car driving to places, the first kiss, being close enough to touch and feel, thoughts like that occupied my mind all so often. But now all that has happened in the past few weeks. We've done all these things and we enjoyed it immensely, so the dreams have changed. Now my dreams are bigger and extend much far off. Things I dream of now are most likely to happen at least four to five years later or maybe more. Things like moving in together, being a couple for life, picking the other or being picked from work, forming a union possibly and then some. Like I said, the dreams have changed.
With the stakes being higher, it would be best to be vulnerable and honest. I share them so that I know what he thinks and how he feels about the them or if he has any issues with them. Maybe I'm over-looking things given that I tend to thinks abit more from the heart and he thinks more from his mind. I won't say that he's agreed to everything. We've had some arguments along the way but I can't deny the fact that his points were perfectly valid. That's another thing about Nathan that I'm completely in love with, he doesn't fight about stupid things or pick uselessly. We've found a few solutions and to what we couldn't find a solution, we've left it to time. When that moment comes, we may have the idea of what to do and how to do it best. Experiences comes with age, right?