Aug 25, 2010

Issues; Emotional Blackmail

Hey Phunk!

My boyfriend is acting kind of weird these days. Actually he's been acting weird ever since we have started arguing. Our arguing has gotten worse over the period of last few weeks and his recent doings don't give me any hope of things getting better between us. He's not fasting these days. His reason for not fasting is that he's too upset nowadays because of all that's happening between us. I'm confused about what to do with him. Hopefully you can give me some suggestion to sort things out with him. I do like him alot but this attitude of his isn't helping at all! 

Aug 23, 2010


Sometime around January this year, I ran into this fellow on Orkut who turned out to be from my college. But that detail came much later than usual. It started off like usual, random talks and getting to know each other better. He made a comment that I had quite a large number of scraps and proceeded to ask me how long I have been on this profile; Scraps are like wall messages on Facebook, anyone can see them!

I told him about 2 years, give or take a few months. He followed that up with a couple of more questions if I am on any other gay social networking sites. I replied in negative. He then asked if I had a boyfriend, which I also replied in negative. This was all in the same month, I was single during those days. Our talks were primarily gay themed, though nothing sexual. He's 19 years old and I have absolutely no interest in younger men. Sure, I may admire them from a distance but it would be a very strange day if I make a move. So everything from my side was entirely platonic. There was definitely something from his side but I couldn't quite place my finger on what it was. I believe it was curiosity. His questionnaire was starting to irritate me, so I tried to shift our talks to other topics.

Aug 20, 2010

Identity Crisis

Being closeted means you intend to keep you being gay a secret from the society. We tend to regard our privacy very highly. Some of us keep it so close-guarded that we draw a clear line that distinguishes the two identities completely, revealing it to a selected few only. Violation of this strict code leads to a crisis, an identity crisis

Aug 17, 2010


After putting it off for about a year or two, I have finally joined the gym. Yay me! I decided this is the perfect time for me to start, because I need something to distract me from the biting loneliness inside me. Also I really wanted to do it. I'm sick of being chubby, oh what the heck! Why not say it out-right?!

I'm sick of being fat! I'm not kidding when I said chubby, but 'chubby' is just a nice way of saying that someone is over-weight. Nathan keeps arguing that I'm not fat and then cites examples of some people he knows. But still that's no reason to remain in this unhealthy position. I can't keep delaying it. I can always come up with an excuse if I don't want to do it. But in truth, there is no excuse. Just my laziness! So I pushed myself and signed up.

Aug 13, 2010

Oy Vey

I was catching up with an old friend yesterday.We were talking after about five months, so he had absolutely no idea that I was seeing someone. He was surprised when I ran this detail across him which lead him to asking some other stuff. As the discussion progressed, it reached the topic of getting intimate. He wanted to know the details, but obviously that wasn't something up for sharing. No, I didn't blow him like I did with the last guy who asked me the same question. Plus I've known him since about two years and we do have a conversation every now and then. Also he's just 16 so I really didn't feel like biting his head off. He's a super nice kid!

When I declined splurging the details, he proceeded to ask me how I felt about it. Now that was something I could tell, so I did. It felt great! Best thing in the world! A high like no other! A roller-coaster ride I would never get sick of! A ticket that would put Mr. Willy Wonka's Golden Ticket to shame!, and similar sorts. As I was telling him about it, I added that it was my first time as well and that it couldn't have gone any better.

Aug 11, 2010

Ramadan Mubarak

Ramadan Mubarak to all of my fellow Muslim brothers and sisters! 
May all our prayers and fasting be accepted in this blessed month!

I'm apologize in advance for the decrease in the postings that would be noticed in the coming few days. I'm going to try to post as I usually do. But in case I am not able to, keep this in mind!

Once again; Ramadan Mubarak!!!

Not There Yet

It's been about 48 hours since he's left and it feels so weird. He's back home which is great for him, but it kind of sucks. LOL! I guess a little bit of the monster still lurks inside me. However the stalking has yet to start, so I think I'm holding up really well.

I always knew that at some point he would be leaving for his country and I won't be seeing him for a year. I had completely over-looked the fact that it may not happen like I had pictured it. I didn't have the thought in my mind that something or the other may go horribly wrong, which is exactly what happened during the last few days of his stay.

Aug 9, 2010

Monster Boyfriend

Towards the end of his stay, Nathan and I couldn't manage to meet as often as we wanted to. He had some things going on in his family that required his immediate attention, thankfully the situation got resolved before he left. I was busy in my cousin's wedding, being one of the few able young men around and the only one of these young men on vacations, I was taking somebody or the other shopping almost every other day. We both were absolutely hating it but we couldn't do anything about. Bless text messaging, otherwise I seriously don't know how we would have managed.

Later on, Nathan's stay got extended and we had 5 more days where I won't have a wedding to worry about and Nathan was free as well. However things didn't go as planned because in those 5 days violence erupted in Karachi bringing everything to a halt and when the violence subsided it rained on our parade...literally!

Aug 8, 2010

Dream a Little, Dream of Me

At moments when I have nothing to do, I find myself dreaming. One of the particular thoughts that cross my mind are of Nathan. I find myself dreaming about him all too often and all too much. In fact, I think I dream more about him now more than I did when it all started. Perhaps that has to do with him reciprocating my feelings and giving me positive signals that he too wants something permanent with me.

Aug 6, 2010

Being Pakistani

I'm from Pakistan. I'm a Pakistani and I happen to be gay. Starting on the March 6th, I have posted exactly 54 times and everytime I have discussed something gay. So far, there hasn't been a single post about being a Pakistan, but all that changes now. All that changes with this post, right here!

I thought alot about whether I should post about the current crisis in Pakistan. The situation of Karachi has gone from bad to worse, and few expects things to get even worse in the coming days if the problem isn't resolved immediately. My posting is going to be one of the million out there, but it's something I am supposed to do. It's my duty. Till now the blog has solely revolved around me and a few other selected people whom I consider important. But this post isn't just about me, it's about the whole nation. If I am incorrect on any account, by all means set me right. So here we go!

Aug 2, 2010

Bang Bang Bang

The WWW has it's abundance of jerks. Step in and you find all shapes and sizes. Young jerks, old jerks! Fat jerks, thin jerks! Ugly jerks, handsome jerks! Weird jerks and the really weird jerks! Dealing with them is tough business and there is no clear way, give them a hand and they want a whole arm. Not pleasant at all!

Butting heads with them repeatedly is not only frustrating but also very draining. You can either deal with them by knocking sense into these fools or you can simply turn the other cheek and move on. If you choose to deal with them, after sometime your Jerk Radar goes haywire. You become so sick and tired of these weirdos that you tend to avoid them at all cost. That's what I have become; A person who avoids!
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