Jul 19, 2010

Trust Factor

Trust is important! Trust is necessary! Trust is the basic foundation of any long lasting bond, whether it is between lovers, friends, a child and his/her parents or even between an animal and it's owner. Trust ensures when things go from good to bad, we can go to the individual at the other end of the bond and find him there. Trust is hard to find, especially at a place when everybody is speaking behind a veil of anonymity.

The WWW has become one of the largest patron of the gay community, it has made everything so easier. From hooking up to buying porn to finding the right one. Gays from all corner are turning to the online world everyday for many different reasons. Whatever their reason maybe, everybody manages to find a good friend to turn to. You can talk all you want but when the time comes to get things heart-to-heart, would you open to just anyone? Would you just go ahead and give anyone your details? Your Facebook profile? The 411 on you?

No, you don't! And you can't! As much as we know that the other person shares the same dark secret as you, you will still do everything to protect yourself. You won't take the first step until your damn sure that it won't come back and bite you in the butt.

I find it extremely hard to trust people. Yes, I am nice. But there is a fine line between being nice and being silly. I can be all warm, friendly and fuzzy but things aren't the same when I'm asked to show my picture or my phone number. I do all that once I'm sure about the other person. When I share number and stuff, I'm opening a new door through which I can be reached. So I need to know that he's not some crazy psycho. Congratulations to all those who passed the test! :p

But all this could have never really started until someone trusted me and showed me how to trust. Trusting someone you meet everyday is alot different from trusting someone you meet online everyday. It's very different. And I would have never really learned to trust had it not been for Christian!


We started talking and we really didn't share that much. But it felt friendly and nice, I never really expected to get along with him because he was like the demi-god in the Gay Community of Orkut and I was a recently hatched. We exchanged dozens of scraps (Very similar to wall-posts on FaceBook) and got to know about each other. The conversation somehow shifted to names we like.

"Ryan is one of my all time favorites!", I commented in that annoying chirpy-salesman attitude of mine, which if anybody gives me nowadays I'd punch them in the face.

"You know, my name is actually pretty close to Ryan!", Christian commented. "Very similar!", he told me.

"That's cool!", I commented. I didn't feel that it was appropriate to ask for his name, which would mean that I would have to do the same. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, I did by now. But he's him and I'm me, we're miles apart and very different people. And then without my asking, he told me his real name. That was the ice-breaker. I had known him for just a few weeks but I felt comfortable with him. He could be a really good friend of mine. And then without any hesitation I told him mine.

"Do you mind if I add you to my straight ID on Orkut?", he asked. We were all pretty closeted back then, and we still are. But from one gay to another, we were just opening cabinets.


"Sure! I think that would be really cool!", I told him. Then he gave me the link and we extended our hands one more and brought ourselves closer together. We were friends then and we're even better friends now, and I keep having a feel that this is one bond that's a real keeper.

"Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends."

21 comments:

wajahat said...

actually you know i am feeling like the center point of all this story..
the fact you are true trusting someone whose online is very difficult but why only gays peoples are posessive with there stuffs or one think mr phunk friendship means no condition

Christian said...

It just comes naturally... u just know dat u can trust the person... its beyond the analysis of a character..

readin ur post, i realise now...abt ur apprehensions, but at that time, i never felt those... it was easy... :) cos its how you were n are...

wajahat said...

@christian correct its absolutely on you that how you judje a person or take analysis of his thinking and personality... its often easy as well as hard sometimes but you have to put trust as you should see what happens
n last but not the least i would say
"LIFE is a risk"
once if you have chosen for what you are stick with it
remember what you have commented on another blog that "truth can never be denied"
so now or after everything will be out from secret closet...

Phunk Factor said...

@ Wajahat

That's because our identities are everything to us...being gay is a part of our identity we have to hide from the world!

The consequences of this revelation can be devastating at times...infact in most cases I expect them to be! When you are asked for a picture...you can show ur own or u can put forward somebody elses picture....the other person may or may not know and trust you!

There have been incidences...hence the caution! N while I agree to stick with the option chosen, you also need to be aware of what's happening around you and then react!

Life is a risk...but take risks wisely!

@ Christian

You're the first person I got to know on a new level from the entire pack!

N I know i'm not the only one who warmed up to u first...there are others! There is a reason u get dozens of scraps every day! ;)

Branden said...

Trust is a timeless commitment :)a hillucination of carelessness

raj said...

Phunk you were the first person I opened up to ;). So you are my christian as Ive already told you.LOL
But I understand the apprehensions because we ve all been through all this stages.
On the names front- I love the name Ryan too =) and the one close to it..hehe
P.S- I m fortunate to have known you and Christian on such a personal level.

M@rvin said...

"We were all pretty closeted back then, and we still are. But from one gay to another, we were just opening cabinets."

Like that line very much - in or out, the depth of our dealings with people can be measured by the number of open cabinets, huh?

Phunk Factor said...

@ Branden

There's a reason I mentioned your blog and you just proved it! ;)

@ Raj

I got to be alot of ppl's Christian because of my Christian...thank him! ;)

@ M@rvin

Exactly! Even though every closeted gay guy understands the situation very much..there is a limit to how much we can open to them as well!

Christian said...

@ Wajahat - sum time bak , sumone found my identity n threatened to tell my frnds n relatives n my real profile...also postin my real name in Gay communities... it was freakky...

@ Phunk - they saw the persona i had created, the superficial level .....nt beyond dat... u saw something else... n dats wat mattered to u..

@ Raj - same here, feels gr88 to know you.. :)

Johnny said...

If you're not gay, you really won't understand it!
Even in Planet Romeo and Manjam, I have never posted my face pic...only body!
Identity is something I consider very important and I rarely disclose it to anyone! I don't even fuck the same person twice just in case!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Christian

That jerk!! Lol...I'll still won't forget my attempt to get fresh with you by quoting Britney Spear lyrics! :p

@ Johnny

You don't have sex with the same person twice?

Hehehehe...maybe you just haven't found somebody good enough to go back for seconds! :p

Mac Callister said...

wow thats cute!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Mac Callister

Thanks, man! :)

▬╡νι¢кソ╞▬ said...

"You know, my name is actually pretty close to Ryan!

lolz, thats a big hint :)...

"I find it extremely hard to trust people. Yes, I am nice. But there is a fine line between being nice and being silly. I can be all warm, friendly and fuzzy but things aren't the same when I'm asked to show my picture or my phone number. I do all that once I'm sure about the other person. When I share number and stuff, I'm opening a new door through which I can be reached. So I need to know that he's not some crazy psycho. Congratulations to all those who passed the test! :p

-loved this...

"Do you mind if I add you to my straight ID on Orkut?",

tell me phunk, whats the big deal about adding ppl to ur "straight id", i mean its great if both the guys want to do tht. sure go ahead, but why shud it be used as a barometer for trust?

i feel its like registering your name as a nominee in my will, or my insurance, just to prove that i love you, or how much i love you.

Phunk Factor said...

@ (▬╡νι¢кソ╞▬)

Adding someone on the straight ID means that your putting him in touch with the real you!

You need to be sure about the other person before doing so, you need to be sure that if the two of you ever have an argument the other won't blow your cover!

Trust comes with time....and at times, it's been me who makes the first move...invite them over!

▬╡νι¢кソ╞▬ said...

yes phunk, its a big thing the blowing off the cover thing, its like an irreversible process..

but continuing this discussion, i hope its ok :),

say u propose to me about adding each other there, n i refuse. shud it be interpretated as 'i dont trust u', cudnt it be that i dont want to do sthg that cant be undone? give me a good reason, some benefit of the excercise, n i will be asolutely willing.

but just bcoz u want to know whether i trust u or not, is this a kind of exam or what?

Phunk Factor said...

@ ▬╡νι¢кソ╞▬

It depends, you can interpret the person's feeling from how. If a person says 'no' to adding you on his straight profile, but he has told you his name or shown u his picture or has exchanged numbers....he DOES trust you but he doesn't wanna mix his straight world with the gay world! I do know a few people who feel this way!

If a person out-right denies u access, he doesn't trust or it could be something else.

And it's just not about trust, it's about whether you want to establish a possibly ever-lasting contact with that person! Every step two people take towards getting to know the other person better takes them a step ahead into a deeper bond!

N yes...u can comment further, I don't mind! :)

▬╡νι¢кソ╞▬ said...

You DO trust me [;)]....lolz


abt "he doesn't trust or it could be something else."
- thanks for keeping the provision of "it cud be something else", its the case with me. :)


"Every step two people take towards getting to know the other person better takes them a step ahead into a deeper bond! "
- well said. n unrelated, wud i know u better if i have access to ur straight profile, cudnt it happen that the pic might get hazier thn clearer.

if u r the same person at both the profiles, i wud already be knowing u.

regards,

Phunk Factor said...

@ ▬╡νι¢кソ╞▬

It would get hazier only if the person behaves differently on on each profile! Some people don't respond as freely on their straight profile in fear of suspicion!

Also another reason people push forward the straight profiles issue, so that IF their profile gets deleted or they decide to leave the gay community, they can still be in touch with their friends! And in this case, it's only the best ones that tag along!

▬╡νι¢кソ╞▬ said...

its very interesting, Phunk, this topic, I wish we could go on and on with this one. But of course, U n I both have a lot of other things to take care off, plus it kind of starts feeling like a bitter debate at a certain point.

But, it was fun and it has been very pleasant, arguing with u. so ya, best wishes, nd look forward to more such interesting posts from you.

Phunk Factor said...

@ ▬╡νι¢кソ╞▬

Glad I could bring ur attention to an interesting topic! :)

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...