Jul 25, 2010


I really don't consider myself to be a looker. So when somebody tells me that they have got a crush on me, all I can say in response is 'Seriously?'

I, honestly, don't think that I am even minutely crush-worthy. Maybe it's because of how I feel about crushes in general. I really don't think I'm good looking. If I had to pick a word to describe myself, I would choose cute. Mostly because that's a comment I have been getting since I was a little kid. Almost everybody in my family thinks I'm cute. Cute is a word you use to describe babies, infants, children and possibly twinks. Not 22 year old university going students!

Also for me, cute doesn't cut it for a crush in the Looks Department. You need to be good-looking, dashing or handsome. If any of the previously three mentioned adjectives apply to a person, I believe that the said person could possibly become a crush. But that's strictly based entirely on visual appeal. If you go into other categories, everything changes!

I'm short, 5'5 to be exact. Again that's something I would not call attractive, and leads to the 'Seriously?' remark when someone announces it. But then they haven't met me in-person so their comment could change upon meeting. But so far I've only met seven guys, two of which I didn't date but know them from around my college. One being Ryan and the other a junior who I discovered through Orkut. Those I met had the same comment, 'You're cute!' This adds to the fact that I'm often mistaken for being younger than I actually am. On the first day of my clinical rounds, the doctor thought I was an attendant trying to sneak in. Ryan and the others came to my rescue, she wasn't letting me say anything in my defense. I had to show my Student ID card, the lady didn't even apologize for her rude behavior.

The other thing which makes me unattractive, in my opinion, is that I'm chubby. Yeah, I'm not skinny. I have never been skinny. Not that I support being skinny or think that it's hot. But I do like guys with some definition. The sad thing that happened with me was that my weight gain happened around the same time as the natural growth spurt. I seriously wish at times I was a tad bit taller. My younger brother who's in the growth spurt age right now, I'm monitoring his diet very strictly. I don't want him to have this complex that I have.

Also I think that's why I find tall guys attractive. My mother is on my case to loose weight, she's scared because of the history of high blood pressure in our family. I've had my blood pressure measured twice, last time was about four months back. It wasn't high, but mum is still pretty scared about it. I think mum worries too much and I think I got that from her. But yeah, she's a mom and all moms are that way.

My hair which I love the most are most of the time a complete mess. Unless there is something to hold them together, they are a pile of loose straw. There is a reason that when in 9th Grade, our school planned a production of one of the scenes from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, I was selected for that part of Harry without any audition. I was excited beyond belief, I was getting to play one of my favorite characters of all time. Another boy who was hoping for the same part made a remark about how I got the part solely based because of my appearance. But I really didn't care!

Nathan is a regular gym goer, he says the same thing. He wants me to healthy up myself abit, he says the same thing as my mom. I keep meaning to go the gym but I feel conscious because every guy there has all cuts and curves in the right places. Ryan, who also works out, pushes me to go the gym. "Fat people go to the gym as well, you know!", he tells me. "You join and go persistently, you'd be trimmed in a few months. I could even hook you up with a trainer!". My cousin used to be a trainer, now he works in a bank but still regularly goes to a gym. He personally offered to be my trainer. So I guess at this point if I'm still chubby, it's because I'm a lazy person. I plan on going to start soon, especially since Nathan and I have a competition going on about who can develop a six-pack first. I have a feeling, he may win because I have a longer distance to go on this road but that's no reason to give up. The thing I have to do is start working out, I'm already pretty conscious about my nutrition, so I have one less thing to do on the weight-loss journey. Speaking of loosing weight, I'm leaving the link of an excellent weight-loss blog. You can check it out here and follow if you feel like.

I seriously wish at times that I had the chance to learn some form of dance. Dances are so flexible, agile and loaded with immense amounts of goods in their looks. They are always some cute dancers in every season of So You Think You Can Dance. I'm totally conked out over Kent from the latest season. I know he's all goofy, also this particular crush makes me feel like such a cougar. LOL!

I've had some people crush on me, but sadly I wasn't able to reciprocate it. Thinking about it, the crushes I've had or at least the ones I divulged, they weren't reciprocated either. And that's another reason why I'm not very fond of crushes!

Hope you all are having an amazing summer. I know I am! I'm completely loving the weather nowadays. Completely loving it!


▬╡νι¢кソ╞▬ said...

A very, very good read Phunk... One of your best posts, atleast for me.

and ya, the 'unreciprocated' crushes wud make an interesting read, may be u cud compile the best ones into a single post.

jits said...

I feel that being chubby isn't a issue if you are okay with it .. i myself have weight issues and i am ok with it but on the other hand who would't love to have those six packs but i think i'm very much a foodie to have my diet under control :P ...

Being tall, that is something even i wish god had given me more ... :(

But having crushes i think appearance do have a part to play but being cute also will give you even equal crushes which you say u get a lot so enjoy the attention :)

Branden said...

I am lovin the weather too.. CHUBBY BUNNY!! hit the gymn right now :P

and yeah I watch sytycd most of the time for the few cute dancers the select :P

Christian said...

you ARE Cute... !!!!

even if i hadnt seen you.. U'd be Cute... so accept it... Digest it... n oder ppl r normal mortals dude... u r one of a kind...divine !!

Love ya... HUGZZ...

Phunk Factor said...

@ ▬╡νι¢кソ╞▬

Thanks, man! N yeah...it's one of the planned posts! A compilation....but it won't be up anytime soon!!

@ jits

I'm not okay with it! I want some definition in my body! I look younger than I am and that poses a problem at times!

Attention isn't my cup of tea...i immediately start feeling extremely awkward in his presence!!

@ Branden

I've been called worse so I really don't mind!!

@ Christian

Whoa too much....i'll believe i'm cute when you believe tht ur good-looking! ;)


H said...

You're Fat! I'm so relieved that non model-bodied gay people exist!
Oh Phunk, you brighten up my day, you do.

Jackdaw said...

Don't look at yourself with a checklist at hand. The qualification good-looking is not the result of someone going through a checklist; it's about a vibe someone gets when he sees you. That vibe is something we don't get when we look in the mirror.

You should let other people decided whether they think you're good-looking, hot, cute or whatever, and just trust the average judgement.

It you feel uncomfortable being chubby then by all means do something about it. Don't get rid of it solely because it's not the beauty ideal.

Most importantly, real beauty comes from within and reading your blog I think you have nothing to worry about.

Good post!

Phunk Factor said...

@ H

Hahahaha...there are some out there and thanks for the out-pour of affection! :D

@ Jackdaw

I'm fine with how I look...but I do want to attain a healthier image! I know my mother is correct on her points...there are things I can correct(Weight) and things I can't (Height)....thanks fr the compliment..means alot!

Anonymous said...

hi ya!

first of, very well-written!
and you know what, this 'read' happened when I was fretting over my looks ! Its beyond 'nice' to see someone of my 'kind', not that possessed with 'muscles' and 'tallness'!

but still, its nice to be tall...

Have a nice summer!


Phunk Factor said...

@ Arvindan

Another reason everyone should be seeing Ugly Betty! ;)

Thanks fr the wishes, man!!

Johnny said...

If somebody compliments you with 'cute', I think that is a major plus!

A compliment should be accepted, even if you don't agree to it! Otherwise it is rude and insulting to the person who complimented you!

So accept my compliment; You're cute!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Johnny

Accepted and partially digested! :)

Any better?

Rakesh said...

Like Johnny said .. cute is a good. And having seen your pic, I can say you ARE cute!

Derric said...

Looks like we both have the same syndrome....want to look dashing, but not interested to go to Gym, as somehow its not comfortable .......Hey seriously, i don't like me being addressed as cute, as i have been hearing that for long long time.

Phunk Factor said...

@ Rakesh

Awww...thanks, man!!

@ Derric

Alas another similarity!! Even I hate it, but at this point I want to do something about it....so I think the gym just might be seeing me knocking on it's door VERY soon!

M@rvin said...

I don't mind going to the gym (in fact, I kinda like it) and pulling those weights - it's all the eating (of weird protein powders, bananas, creatine, and what not) you have to do to get 'bigger' that's annoying.

Everyone has body issues (well, except Brian Kinney on Queer as Folk :-), so don't worry... if you saw me, the first thing you'd say is I need a nose job! :)

Phunk Factor said...

@ M@rvin

Protein powders, creatine and all those are a strict no-no if u ask me....i find the use of supplements highly wrong! But that's strictly my opinion!

And yea..i won't recommend a nose-job! I don't prefer going under the knife fr beauty...i won't ever advise nebody to go fr it!

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