Jul 3, 2010

Leveling Up

Those of you who have been reading my blog since the past few months must already be aware of the fact that Nathan lives in another country. He's a Pakistani but lives elsewhere. And those of you who didn't, well now you do! And regardless of whether you have been reading my blog or not, you would know that the relation has been a Long Distance Relationship a.k.a LDR!

LDR and I don't go together particularly well. The first guy I got into the turbulent seas of relationship with lived in America. It ended after two months, I'll be getting to him in some other post. After that there was one relation, one very serious crush on an Indian which got over in a few months, three dates that were absolute no-nos and then came another LDR, with Nathan.

When the thought that I like Nathan alot really got to me, the point that bothered me the most was the distance. I'm not kidding you! I hated the fact that he lived in a completely different country, I kept racking my brains to either get over this fact and forget him or face it and say what I feel. I didn't know what to do. Everytime I talked to him, I had to place my words carefully. Not to let anything slip that might indicate the obvious.

Every guy I liked, I saw a common pattern; Unavailability! Be it the factor of distance or opposing lifestyles or a different faith or a difference of thoughts. Something was there that didn't put me at ease. Sure the optimistic-me was all giddy and doing pirouettes that he could be the one. But at night when I lay down to sleep, my thoughts were all negative. Every thought was a like a rusty knife carving out it's own bitter painful reality scar on my heart. I guess that's the reason I got over everyone of them sometime sooner or later. But there was no getting over Nathan. I guess the fact that he was a Pakistani and he visited the place every summer turned my little love-bird into a full-on raging phoenix. So as you might have guessed I took the step, how it happened and the progression of events can be read about here and here.

Three months and two weeks later, he's standing here in Pakistan. I've met him two times and we were supposed to meet today. But there is a stupid strike going on so we are meeting on Monday instead. I've posted about Nathan numerous number of times, but today I'm throwing some more light on us. Guessing from what I've given and the comments I have read, you people may expect us to be the perfect couple. And like any other perfect couple, we have arguments. Yes, perfect couples argue!

No, don't worry! We're both are still off the market! We're still committed and we're still very happy. But that doesn't change the fact that we have got alot of troubles ahead of us. And it's not just us, every couple out there has their own share of troubles. Every couple; regardless of it being it being straight or gay! And just lik every other relation, our relation also has levels. Personally I believe gay relationships has more stages as compared to straight ones. Lotsa levels!

We started off by discussion in a forum on Orkut. Then came the simple exchange of scraps on Orkut, after that we moved to secret exchange of messages on Orkut. Which finally led to exchange of phone numbers and adding on yahoo messenger. And finally we met, somewhere between all this hubaloo we started liking eachother!

The leap between the last two levels was by far the largest, I feared that this could possibly be the deal-breaker for us. Thank God, I was wrong! I confessed about this to Nathan and he laughed it off. I guess that gave me a little push of faith as well. But the fact still remains, every new level we step on is a new challenge, a face-off with new challenges. And that's never going to change!

Possibly that's never going to change for any gay couple out there, at least not in the next couple of years. I could be wrong, but that's how I feel about the subject. But that's no reason to give up! Nathan asked me yesterday if I'm willing to be in a relation that may not have a future.

I said, I am. But that's because I don't know what is the future. I told him that this relationship could last the next 30 minutes, 30 hours, 30 days, 30 months, 30 years or forever. Things we do will determine that, but I don't think giving up is an option. I love him, and there are things I can do for him right now and things I will be able to do for us in the future. And the only way, we could find out is we stick together. If we break at some point, at least we will know that we gave it our best shot! It's better to love and loose than to give up just because for a moment we misjudged what we have!

Nathan agreed and proceeded to tell me that no matter how much he would love me, he'll be wearing the pants in this relationship. I said we will see about that when we get there. Right now, just make sure your on time the coming Monday.


raj.. said...

Nice post..I think this is the first time you have ACTUALLy analysed your relationship on your blog :D

I was so shocked about the LDR when i opened nathan's orkut profile(yeah baby I am smart) but then i guess one hasto make some sacrificed in love ..

Other than that..WHO was the Indian guy? sure to be a BGBS one :P

P.S- Another good post =)
P.S.S- always lemme knoe where to stop at the blog and shift it to your scrapbook :P

Rakesh said...

What exactly does "wearing the pants" mean in a gay relationship in 2010? I'm very curious to know.

Phunk Factor said...

@ Raj

Maybe...dunno exactly!!! N the indian dude....ahhhhh, I'll get to him sooner or later..n yes, he belonged to the BGBS crowd!!

@ Rakesh

He termed it loosely...I inquired the same thing when he said that..he said I can be childish at times...so he shud be there to keep my head straight!!

Johnny said...

All I can say is that; Love Never Runs Easy!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Johnny

Never have! Never will!

Thanks a mill for dropping by!

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