Jul 30, 2010

That Nagging Thought

Ryan called really late Wednesday night. "Dude, it's 3 am in the night! Couldn't you call me in the day?", I asked.

"It's 2 pm! I just got up! Everybody's gone and I'm freak'in hungry!", he said. "You know how to make anything?", he asks.

"Ryan, seriously not in the mood to joke right now!", I growl.

"Is it because I called up so late or something else?", he asks.

Jul 27, 2010

All The Lovers ( And Haters)

I got my first negative comment a few posts ago. I felt like I'm in one of those crime-action flicks where the authorities have accused a person of something he hasn't done and are trying to extract the confessions that doesn't exist by dousing him in cold water.

Jul 25, 2010


I really don't consider myself to be a looker. So when somebody tells me that they have got a crush on me, all I can say in response is 'Seriously?'

Jul 22, 2010


"You really need to stop treating me like a child!", I told Bruce all of a sudden one day.

Bruce looked at me as he was driving the car. "Where did that come from so suddenly?", he asked.

"Where did that come from?!", I retorted. "You don't let me do anything! I feel as if I'm being taken out by an older cousin rather than my boyfriend!"

"Do you earn?", he asks all of a sudden in a serious but slightly challenging tone.

"Do you really think I would be earning?", I say answering his question with my own question. I was dreading having this conversation but dating seemed more of a chore to me rather than a pleasure cruise.

"Aren't there child labor laws in Pakistan?", Bruce poked.

"Bruce!", I exploded. "I'm 19 for Pete's sake!"

"I was kidding!", he explained. "But seriously, you don't earn so how do you expect to treat both of us?" he pointed out.

"Whatever! I feel so weird that every time we go out, you pay for just about everything and it's getting on my nerves! More over, I can't relax. It feels so weird and also quite wrong!", I complained. "At least let me pay for what I order!" I suggested.

"But that's what friends do! They pay for what they order!", he replied. "Also I think that's really cheap and not classy at all!" he added.

"Your such a hard-head! It's unbelievable!", I ask him quite seriously.

"And your such a child!", he replied.

Jul 19, 2010

Trust Factor

Trust is important! Trust is necessary! Trust is the basic foundation of any long lasting bond, whether it is between lovers, friends, a child and his/her parents or even between an animal and it's owner. Trust ensures when things go from good to bad, we can go to the individual at the other end of the bond and find him there. Trust is hard to find, especially at a place when everybody is speaking behind a veil of anonymity.

The WWW has become one of the largest patron of the gay community, it has made everything so easier. From hooking up to buying porn to finding the right one. Gays from all corner are turning to the online world everyday for many different reasons. Whatever their reason maybe, everybody manages to find a good friend to turn to. You can talk all you want but when the time comes to get things heart-to-heart, would you open to just anyone? Would you just go ahead and give anyone your details? Your Facebook profile? The 411 on you?

Put Your Arms Around Me

"I've got something to tell you and I don't know how you will feel about it!", Nathan said to me quietly a few day ago as we were strolling the mall.

"Well, I myself don't know how I will feel about it until you tell me whatever it is!", I told him calmly. I was slightly scared as to what this is going to lead to.

Jul 16, 2010

Bad Track Record

Nathan and I were talking about crushes today. It came as quite a surprise to me that Nathan really doesn't have that many crushes. I, on the other hand, have numerous crushes that have come and gone faster than I could imagine. The thing that I was somewhat scared that this conversation would lead to, happened. The common pattern I've seen in the people that have become important to me in my life is that at some point I had a crush on all of them. I have had a crush on Ryan, Christian, Gracie, Bruce and even Nathan at some point since I got to know them first. Some happened on sight and others happened once I got to know the people better but all ended at some point or the other to transform into something deeper.

Jul 13, 2010

Pocketful Of Sunshine

If you kiss someone with feeling...they know it...and you know it...it's like...it's like everything else goes grey and you're the only two left in the whole world!
- Marc St. James

Jul 11, 2010

Karma Or Something Else

Yesterday Nathan and I were talking as usual and strangely we ran out of topics. "Is it because we talk too much?", he asked.

"I don't think so!", I told him. "Your mind seems to be pre-occupied with the earlier events.", I added. Nathan's past two days have been extremely busy and crowded with family matters. His aunt had come with her family for a stay-over and Nathan's cousins weren't leaving his side. He had apologized repeatedly for not being able to pay any attention to me. But it wasn't an issue, I knew we can't exchange messages all the time. "Since your totally out of topics, I'd like to ask you something that has been on my mind since the past few days!"

Jul 10, 2010

Third Time's a Charm

As I got ready for our third date, I couldn't help but keep on thinking about the phrase that goes something like third time's a charm. Would this rendezvous result in something more or be any different from the previous two?, I didn't know. But you can bet your pretty pink hankies that I was so cranked up for it. I would be taking my ride and that was the major factor that had me so excited. Nathan in my car, at my mercy; something like that!

Last time I was committed it was with Bruce, he used to bring his ride all the time and there was a constant fear of not putting even a scratch on it. I didn't even want to nibble on something in the car fearing that I'd get crumbs on it or spill something and leave a nasty stain. It's not like I don't take care of my car but Bruce was super possessive about his ride and I took it without him saying that his ride is not to be messed with. The ride to the place where I was supposed to pick up Nathan from was lonely. I wanted to crank up the radio and go wild, but this was the first time I was going so far all on my own. So I wanted to concentrate on the road, drive carefully and get there with plenty of time on my hand, and I was successful. Also I was taking the car, I had taken the car I was specifically instructed not to. LOL!

Jul 7, 2010

So Today Sucked

7th of July was supposed to go great! 7th of July was supposed to be amazing! 7th of July was supposed to be an epic day! 7th of July was supposed to be memorable! 7th of July wasn't epic, amazing or even great. But yes, it was memorable. But not in the way I wanted it to be!

Jul 5, 2010


Today I'll be introducing another very important person in my life, and this time it's not a male. Yes, it's a female! And no, it's not my mother! Ladies and Gentleman, I present GRACIE!! Starting off as an acquaintance, then moving on to a friend, then a best-friend. There were rumors along somewhere that we were going steady, but that was never the case. At some point I did develop feelings for her, but they didn't turn out to be fruitful as I expected. And now we're back to being best friends. It's a twisty topsy turvy ride, that I'm sure isn't going to get smoother anytime soon. But since when did I expect life to get smoother? If there's one thing that I've learned in the past 22 years, it's that life can be more drama than anybody could expect it to be!

Jul 3, 2010

Leveling Up

Those of you who have been reading my blog since the past few months must already be aware of the fact that Nathan lives in another country. He's a Pakistani but lives elsewhere. And those of you who didn't, well now you do! And regardless of whether you have been reading my blog or not, you would know that the relation has been a Long Distance Relationship a.k.a LDR!
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