How could I say no to that, I'd have to be a real jerk to reject his friendship. He was clearly a nice guy and maybe we did make a wrong move by getting committed. Just because most of his interests were same as mine, it didn't necessarily mean that we could be together. But being friends with an ex, I'm not comfortable with the idea. At all!
The last time I tried that, I didn't turn out really well. I ran face first into a wall and crumbled to a million pieces. That guy ended our friendship claiming that he's doing it for my own good and that's it not healthy because I still have feelings for him. I'll be posting about him sometime later perhaps, but ever since then the idea of being friends with an ex doesn't have me jumping up and down with joy. "Friends?", I asked skeptically and slightly in surprise.
"Yeah,", Bruce admitted. "Friends!"
"Define friends?", I ask. That's the typical me. Questions and even more questions, analyzing everything and being super critical. Bruce looked at me puzzled.
He sighed, "Like we were before we started going out. Simply friends! Like you are with all those people on your Orkut account!", he explained.
"But we went too far, don't you think? We've been naked together and we've kissed. Not just pecks, but a proper full-on spit swap!", I reasoned voicing my uncertainties. I had to keep my volume down and look as casual as possible. It's so hard to discuss anything gay in public. He was standing very close to me and I remember staring at his bulging bicep. Though I had broken up with him, I couldn't deny that I was still attracted to him. I ask if we could move to somewhere private. He recommended a near-by cafe.
After settling into a booth, he repeated my reasons to make sure he had gotten them right. He was quiet for a while. I didn't know if it was because he was thinking something or if he had lost the train of thought when the waiter interrupted us asking if we'd like something. "So?", I ask.
"So do you want us to be friends with benefit?", he asked apprehensively. Bruce talking about sex with a apprehension and hesitation, I never thought I'd be around to see that day. I look at him in shock.
Sex with no strings attached, this was literally so tempting. But I knew as much momentarily that would satisfy me, it would later bite me hard in the ass. "No! No! Not at all! No sex, just friends!" I replied slowly. Truth be told, as steamy our encounters were he was abit rude in his comments. I didn't say anything then, but I hated it completely. I felt like putting my clothes back on and leaving the scene. Silence reigned, "Look Bruce, you were my first real-time relation and things did get somewhere with you! I honestly believe that I acted hastily with taking your contact number, asking to meet-up and then meeting up again. I'm sorry that I got you into the mess, as well. If there was a way I could un-do it, I would! Back to the time when there were no creepy pauses in our talks. And not only that but how physical we got in such a short time, it's just really weird! Do you get what I'm trying to say?", I asked.
Crap!, I thought to myself. I sounded like one of those wind-up dolls. I was speaking really fast and my eyes were on the table, fiddling with my cell. It seemed as if I had rehearsed the entire thing.
"It's okay! I get it! No problem!", he remarked. I looked up, he was fixated on his coffee. He didn't seemed pissed by his tone, but there was a certain terse quality to it. A bitter feeling of some sort, I apologized and left. He messaged me a minute or two later asking to delete his number and that he's deleting mine. I guess that's the right way to wipe the slate clean. I remember my heart-beating super fast as I walked to my car. I got a text from Ryan asking how did it go.
"Two more lonely people tonight!", I messaged back. While our relationship ended there and then, but that wasn't the last time Bruce and I crossed paths. Is it me or does drama follow me everywhere I go?