Last night I was talking to one of my friends from Orkut and he told me about how he recently broke up with his boyfriend of 7 months. It's not like he was whining or complaining about him, he just wanted to get through this 'getting over' phase as soon as possible. The two broke up on the account that the other guy didn't see this as a long-term venture and he felt it was more like 'Friends with Exclusive Benefits'. He said that it wasn't fair for my friend, who was looking for something serious and long-term. Also the fact that the other gay was getting engaged next month had a fair role to play in the break up.
For the time being the two had decided to be friends and obviously, my friend was told that there is a pretty good chance that he won't be invited to the engagement because it might be too much for him. But he is invited to the after party. Anyhow so basically we were talking about getting over and how it goes about.
I think getting over is something everybody does in their own way. There is no fixed route of how it goes about or how long it lasts. But it does depend on how much were you invested in the relationship, had you made any plans or landmarks, how much time had been spent together and cherished memories. While I did feel sorry for him but I knew that the his boyfriend had been right to break up with him IF he was planning to go ahead with the engagement and stuff.
My mother and I are extremely close. With my sister away and my siblings being too young to have adult discussion, it's my ears that are often left at the mercy of my mother's words. Not that I mind, I love having these talks with her. I have pretty much been in the shadow of my elder sister because she was so freak'in good in academics. But ever since we started having these talks, mom has started looking up to me and asking me what she should do. Anyhow so my mother once told me that if a relationship doesn't have a future, there is really no point in continuing it any further. And I passed on that advice to my friend. He seemed to agree half-heartedly.
I could only offer words of advice and probably a shoulder to cry on, but nothing more. As he was about to sign out he apologized for piling the details on me, I told him not to worry and that I'll pimp this out on my blog. At least I managed to squeeze a laugh out of him.
Having been through two break ups, one of which I was still invested in when the break up happened, my opinions have been formed rock solid. I believe that when you break up with someone or you under go a huge loss, you wonder what went wrong. While your at it, you may also wonder why did it happen to you. What had you done to deserve it. Is it a nasty play of Karma or something else?. And then after a while, you start thinking what you could have done to prevent it from happening.
The truth is that there really isn't much you can do. Everything that happens that isn't inclusively involving you, has a million other factor which play their part. So wondering isn't really going to help the cause, but it is a part of the healing process. You gotta walk that walk!
Once your done, then you start the repairing process. It's like when you get a wound, your body's immune system first eliminates the harmful substances, debris and then it begins the repair. The deeper the wound, the longer the repairing and also the bigger the scar. So it all plays out naturally. It's okay to take time and do whatever it takes to get you over and on with your life. I'm all for going out partying or having sex, as long as whatever your using to make the getting over easier doesn't get you dependent on it. Anything that classifies under self-destructive behavior gets the red light from me.
So take you time and then.....then you smile!