When you've had your heart broken really hard, you really don't look forward to getting into a relationship. You loose faith in them. You loose faith in yourself. You loose, as simple as that. You hit the ground and you hit it hard. When you get back on your feet, you start preparing yourself to be comfortably single!
Nathan wasn't looking for anything when he joined Orkut. What he desired was entirely platonic, from start to finish. Not even remotely slipping outside the borders of that quality, that is what Nathan wanted for himself. But as he says, life had something else planned and I made an unsuspected landing onto the runway of his heart. Confused?, read about it here and here.
After it was said and done, Nathan emphasized a serious deal on the fact that he'll be taking time. He described that after the previous disaster, he isn't exactly open to the idea of getting into a relation. But he liked me, and from what he had gotten from the conversations we had. There was something, but he couldn't pin point it precisely. He explained that there will be some waiting to do, but I'm allowed to back-out if I feel that waiting isn't my cup of tea. Trying to make it as friendly as possible, Nathan drew the line.
I didn't mind. I realized he's setting up the fence. Had I been in his shoes, I would have done the same. That's how it plays out, when someone shakes you really good. My first step was to keep the ball of talks rolling. Give details, take details. So we talked and then some, it was how I could reach out to him. Explain that, it's real. Explain that, I'm here. He's more than welcome to take his time. The slightest things would set him off like a mouse-trap, but a few times worse. But in those tantrums, I saw that he did feel something but he didn't want to be hurt. I knew he cared, but he didn't like the chance that he may get slammed against a wall.
My second step was being completely honest. Cut-throat, in-his-face honesty! Whatever it was about me, it's best that he hears it from me and not somebody else. No skipping of details but at the same time being careful as not to bore him. I know it seems like alot of work, but hey when you like someone you do it. I really haven't been in the dating game a whole lot but when I was actively making moves I didn't like the result I was coming up with. Strictly speaking, when I met Nathan I was looking for a boyfriend but it was somewhere in the back of my mind. It's nice to have a hand to hold on to. Even better when the hand is attached to a body to snuggle on to!
Third and final step, never mention the relationship word again, at least not actively in a conversation. I didn't want to even subconsciously pressurize him. Be there and be fair, that was my motto. He's going to come to term with it on his own accord and till then, I can wait.
With these we moved, and we kept moving. Yesterday, it was our 3 month anniversary. Maybe it's not a big deal but to someone who I've promised years filled with Phunky goodness, it was a sure-sign that it's a very good place to be in. We got through the first 25% and I'm looking forward to do alot more 25%s' with Nathan. And then some 100%s' as well. Life is beautiful!