Jun 26, 2010

Cold Sweat

This post was supposed to go up yesterday but my Internet was working like my country's government; Absolutely pathetic! It was taking ages to load even the simplest pages and I was completely hating it. I can't remember the last time my net was functioning so bad and I realized yesterday how much I am dependent on the Internet. I think Internet deserves a place right along with Clothes, Food and Home in the present age.

Anyhow so this posts was about the first date and the anxieties and apprehensions that go with it. I've been out of the dating game since last October. Even though I've known Nathan since February and I've talked just about any topic you can think of under the sun, but still I felt like a 40 year old divorcee going on a date. Is that weird?

I don't know. But what I do know really well, it's that I was sweating cold bullets yesterday. A million thoughts were going through my mind about meeting him for the very first time. The moment I was waiting for, is finally here. He's finally in the same country as me and in the same city, only 40 minutes drive away from my home provided that there is no traffic on the road. It was like an adrenaline rush I can't put to words. Nathan got a Pakistani SIM card yesterday so that he could be in contact with me and his cousins when he was in Pakistan, and we had been talking pretty late last night. I was all happy and chirpy, but I couldn't rest easy. I just couldn't!

My foremost worry was about if things would change once we meet. I knew I had feelings for him and that he had accepted that he does too. But talking to someone over the net is alot different than talking to him within touching distance. What if things change once we meet? What if something about him annoys me or even worse, if something about me annoys him? I know this was a very unlikely possibility given that I know just about everything there is to him and so far I haven't had anything to complain about. But second guessing doesn't go so easy!


Another thing that was gnawing painfully at my heart was what if he doesn't enjoy? Once again my mind kept telling me that I'm good company and people do genuinely enjoy it. But Nathan isn't just anybody, if he doesn't enjoy my company it's going to put a major dent in everything we have. He seemed to have guessed this out, because he mentioned a few days ago that not to go out of the way to make sure he has a good time. He told me to be myself, because that is what he's looking forward to the most.

Clothes? Hair style? Shoes? Accessories? Nathan is pretty conscious about how he dresses, if I had to choose a single word to describe his dressing. It would be sharp. Me? I'm very casual. T-shirts and jeans, throw in streakers and I'm good to go. I don't even style my hair that often. They are dead straight and no matter what you do with them, an hour or two later they would be covering my forehead. Yeah, I got bang bang bangs. I was up till 4 on Thursday night with all of my clothes out, putting together that would look casual yet not over-dressed. I finally got it at the expense of some heavy loss of fluid and sleep.

I read on Hunter's blog, that money is the root to all evil. You can check out his blog by clicking here. But when Nathan and I were talking about who'd be incurring the expenses. I told him I don't know and we got into a mild argument about it. I didn't know if I should pay, let him pay or we should pay for what we eat (Go Dutch) even last night. What exactly do you do on a first date? I know that if two strangers are meeting, then each pays for what he ordered. But we weren't strangers! So exactly what am I to do?

Comfort level was another major factor. We had chosen this really cool mall that was close to the place Nathan is staying but it's a public place. Is it safe enough? Would people get suspicious to see two guys roaming together? We didn't plan to hold hands or even to put it over the other person's shoulder, because in our opinion that's kind of clingy. But still people get the idea, you can't exactly control what another person thinks. And creepily, what if another gay is roaming the mall and one or both of us trigger his gaydar and he starts looking at us weirdly? But there wasn't much choice in this matter, Nathan needed to be back home by lunch because his family was expecting company. So we decided to go ahead with the venue.

Gift? Should I bring him something? I'm very much the giving type of person, but still Nathan strictly instructed not to get him anything. But to just go without anything would be kind of shallow and cheap. It wasn't that I was attempting to woo him. I had already accomplished that quite successfully. But something as a gesture of appreciation would be nice. I shouldn't be something big because didn't want his folks to get suspicious but something small would be cheap. Going with something practical was the best I could think of, but then exactly what would be a practical gift for him?, these and then some more questions were clouding my mind and humidifying my surroundings.

Should I take along my camera? Would it be weird if I keep snapping our pictures again and again? I wanted some memories but exactly what would be safe to capture? Plus I wanted some safe pictures to put up on a flickr or photobucket account I'm going to be creating soon where you all can check them out. Yeah, taking along a camera was another big decision, if you know what I mean. Once again what if it alerted somebody's gaydar or aroused suspicion in people that we're not exactly friends.


As much as I was freaking out, the date went really well. I enjoyed alot. Nathan enjoyed it alot! And we're meeting again the coming Wednesday and this time I got a special request for Nathan. I'll be blogging later about the date in detail. First I needed to get this post up, watch out for the date post today or tomorrow.

10 comments:

Christian said...

Except few things, the same stuff ran thru my mind... :D, hav known u fr two yrs n startin to knw Nathan ..n likin him a lot , i really want u it to work... cant wait to knw the Details of "The" Date.. :P is the Next post titled - Virgin Sacrifice ;-)

Mind Of Mine said...

Its so cute how you are over analyzing everything in anticpation!

Johnny said...

To be perfectly honest, these questions have never bothered me when I've got a date...but then again, all my dates eventually lead to hooking up and the basic reason we're meeting is to see if we like how other person looks and to familiarize ourselves!

I'd love to have these anxieties someday!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Christian

Hahahaha...if you say so! :p

@ Mind of Mine

Probably...but I think most ppl would find it more annoying than cute!

@ Johnny

Hoping one day you will...and when you do, make a blog out of it! ;)

Thanks fr visiting all of u!

▬╡νι¢кソ╞▬ said...

hey phunk... very nice write... as expected... :)

A Gay Mormon Boy said...

I completely sympathize with your thought process here. Also, I tend to take a camera everywhere. Just in case. Loved this post.

Dean Grey said...

Phunk Factor!

You must've exhausted yourself before the date even started! LOL

You're worrying about way too much minutia, especially for a first date.

I suggest you relax and let whatever happens happen!

-Dean

Phunk Factor said...

@ ▬╡νι¢кソ╞▬
Thanks, man! Glad to have you drop by!

@ Gay Mormon Boy
I did take a camera along, but I was having so much fun on the date that I completely forgot to snap any pictures!!

@ Dean Grey
This was all the night before....the D-Day went uh-mazing!!

Thanks fr the all the comments!

Derric said...

hmmm First dates are really scarry.... its fine if i totally dont know that person, but if its someone i know..its bloody hell man.
Yesterday evening imet friend whom i knew for quite some time i guess more than a year.....and believe it or not, the way he was staring at me i was feeling shy. And untill the last minuite, i was like 'How is it gonna be'...its bad man...anyways happy to know that you meeting went great.

Phunk Factor said...

@ Derric

Probably...but mine went amazing!! Thanks fr the comment!

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