May 14, 2010

Ex! Why?

The day before I rammed my car into the bus (Read; Here), Nathan and I had probably one of the weirdest conversations yet. We talked about how our relations were with Ex, which lead to alot of details being exchanged and eventually an exchange of pics as well. I showed him Bruce and he showed me a certain guy he had developed feelings for, but could never express them in fear of being ridiculed.

A little background on Fabio. He was older than Nathan, about a year or two I guess. He worked at a place right across where Nathan used to work. He always used to look at Nathan and smile alot. They never really took the time to talk but just the casual hello-hi-wassup kind of talks took place. This guy used to stare at Nathan, which aroused Nathan's curiousity. Soon enough Nathan started looking back at him, and sort of had feelings for him, as I mentioned earlier. And like I also mentioned previously, he didn't express them. But it really didn't go well, especially later on when Nathan packed himself and stopped responding. He stopped talking to Nathan, not even casual smiling anymore. Later on he switched jobs and that crushed Nathan some-what. But he got better eventually. Infact he not only got better, he also got stronger. Alot stronger!

Fast forward to April 15th 2010; It all started when Nathan told me that he had stumbled upon Fabio's profile on Facebook. Not having seen him since the past 1.5 year made Nathan curious as to how he happens to be doing now, so he went into the profile. He read the details, saw the pictures and then a few others things. I don't know exactly what made Nathan ask but he wanted to know if I am okay with it. I guess he wanted to clarify that he wasn't stalking Fabio and he in no way has any feelings left for him. He just happened to stumble upon the profile and took a peek into it.

To be perfectly honest, I was okay with it. I knew that the Fabio-Nathan saga ended before it would go any further and there was no way that Nathan would be presuming his earlier stance on this issue. Nathan asked me if I wanted to see Fabio, I was fine with that too. To be fair, I asked if he would like to see Bruce. He didn't mind that either. So we exchanged pics and that led to the most detailed talk about Bruce I have ever had with Nathan.

I'm not very keen on the topic of Ex. There was clearly something that went wrong or something didn't click right, if I'm not with that person anymore. To be more specific, I'm not keen at all to raise the topic of Mr. Back-Then with Mr. Right-Now. Why? Because I don't want the other person to feel as if he's being compared. It's a person, not a cell phone that you can compare to see who's got the best features or who's in the price range or what's the market value or which one looks best. I'm not fine with that at all!

More so if I thought that if I spilled the beans, Nathan may get into a complex. And believe me, it doesn't take much to get Nathan into a complex. He's somewhat apprehensive about gay relations because of the stereotypical view of them not being long-lasting due to various reasons.

Now usually his complexity is something I love to sort out, gives me a chance to be the self-instated Super Man I always want to be. Also because mostly, those are things he should not be bothered about at all but usually is. However this was one issue, I didn't want Nathan to get into.

Despite that I didn't want to talk about this topic, I still did. I didn't want Nathan to feel that I'm shutting him out by not revealing the details of my not-so-significant past. We spilled the peculiarities and pictures were exchanged. The funny part; Nathan didn't get into a complex at all. I was so frigg'in relieved, you guys have no idea. I had seriously under-estimated Nathan. Crap, that sucks balls on my parts!

After the conversation had ended, he asked me whats going on in my mind. Signature Nathan move! So I told him about my apprehensive thoughts and why I didn't want to discuss Bruce in such a detailed manner with him. "Okay, so he was cute and sexy but you don't love him anymore so why should I be bothered?!", he tells me. "Besides your boyfriend is way cuter and way sexier and way more smart, soooo I really don't see why you were so scared! Honestly Phunk, I thought you were WAY smarter than this!" he adds. Moron!

I'm still not very comfortable about talking about Bruce though with Nathan. Especially since we mostly type what we want to say, I don't want him to get the impression that I'm comparing the two. All this would definitely be easier on his face probably, but am I really that stupid to talk about Mr. Back-Then with Mr. Right-Now when I could toss him against a wall and kiss myself crazy. No way! Imma be busy snogg'in my man!

I wasn't quite impressed with the picture I saw of Fabio. Nathan said that he used to be much better looking back then and the changes he's gone through, none of them being good ones. However Nathan did wish him well, which is super-commendable. I don't think I can wish Bruce well. I'm not much of a bigger-person, you know.

Wish me luck, folks! Catch you all on 24th!


Derric said...

Hmmm talking of ex, i dont think i am gonna be comfortable with...but yes being me, ill blabber him out.
Something i liked in the whole conversation is "Moron!"....a simple word, but effective enough to bring out the real passion & truthfulness.

Johnny said...

Talking about ex...hmmmm...i guess it would be walking on thin waters!! But then...if the topic comes around then it's best to discuss it....if not, then either may feel that the other is hiding something!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Derric

He gets slings from me left and right....hehe, we have our own lil battlefield! ;)

@ Johnny

But I think it's kind of painful if one of the two hasn't moved on!

Thanks fr dropping by u two! :)

raulito said...

Loved your blog and I will follow it now...

Phunk Factor said...

@ Raulito


Wilmaryad Oscallas said...

Phunk, I respect you for wisely avoiding to compare exes and current boyfriends. God knows how they, and we, can be insecure. Now, are you sure Nathan meant every word he had said? Or was it just to cover up his jealousy?

Phunk Factor said...

@ Wilmaryad Oscallas

I don't think Nathan is of the jealous types! That's something I learned AFTER I had this talk with him....i told him that I was apprehensive in telling him because ppl usually get insecure and start comparing themselves to the ex of whom-ever they are dating....he was VERY surprised at that!! Very very surprised!!

I don't think it was a cover-up for his jealousy!! Anyhow Part 2 of this discussion is cmng up soon....keep on the look out and thanks fr dropping in!

M@rvin said...

Exams, huh? Best of luck!

Remember - honesty is *not* always the best policy! :) Better to keep exes where the belong - in the past.

Phunk Factor said...

@ M@rvin

I dunno...i guess it's best to tell now than sometime later! Or so atleast I think!

Thanks for the wishes! :D


lol~ i have too many ex to talk abt :P

p/s: i'm not angry

Mac Callister said...

i wonder how this nathan of you looks like!i wanna see both of u LOL!

Phunk Factor said...

@ L²

Awww...thanks fr commenting again!!! Btw, seems like ur experienced! ;)

@ Mac Callister

Hehehehe....someday perhaps *fingers crossed*

Wilmaryad Oscallas said...

I have seen so many guys hide their jealousy so well, then burst into flames at a later point, that I don't know if any guy is capable of genuinely feeling no jealousy.

But if Nathan is not the jealous type, perfect! :)

Phunk Factor said...

@ Wilmaryad Oscar

From what I can gather up to this point, he ain't! N that's huge! :D

Wilmaryad Oscallas said...

That's what the people want, as the French would say. :-)

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